Just trust me

My babies are both in love with and terrified of the water. If they could swim 12 hours a day, 7 days a week, they would. However, the sheer excitement and giddiness would be mixed with occasional terror filled screams and screeches.

We were able to spend some more time with their auntie, Shauna, before she flew back to Michigan yesterday. We met at her hotel for an early morning swim. All my babies still have to wear floaties, but I'm so anxious for them to be able to swim without them. I really wanted them to at least try and float yesterday. One by one I took them in my arms and instructed them how to lay on their backs in the water. "No, no, no, I can't, I'll drown!" I tried my best to reassure them that they could trust me, I was right there, I would not let go and they would not drown. But not one of them could do it. Their necks never would release and allow their heads to float on the water. I stood there a little bit baffled by it all. I mean, I am their mother. If I say trust me, shouldn't they be able to trust me with anything? I started to wonder if this was a sign that I was failing somewhere, but the Lord quickly redirected my thoughts. "Crystal, you do this with Me." I think I actually started to laugh a bit, but then realized that He was right. My goodness, how many times have I kicked and fought and screamed in a situation, trying my hardest to control every aspect of it? He tells me that I can trust Him, that He is right there and that He won't let go. The water may rise above my chin and even flow into my mouth, but He will not let me drown. But most of the time, I don't believe Him. "Those are just your promises, I need something more secure, more certain, more tangible!"

I felt bad for the babies because their fear really kept them from the joy they could have experienced had they simply trusted me. They would have been able to enjoy safely floating in the comfort of my secure and loving arms. It really made me wonder what I've missed out on because I was too afraid of drowning to truly trust Him. If I was 100% certain of my ability to protect them, how much more should I be confident when the Lord tells me the same? I pray He give me the ability to fully and completely rest in His secure and loving arms.