It's okay to NOT be okay

We attended a marriage retreat organized by Austin Stone Community Church in May. I was greatly encouraged by the couple that led the weekend. They'd been married 19 years but were going through a trying time and struggling to connect. What struck me was that even though things weren't incredible between them, they were still very affectionate and loving toward one another. They weren't waiting until their issues were resolved to start loving.

We were given a wealth of information over that weekend. We attempted to put into practice some of that upon our return to reality, but we failed miserably. Our priorities have been skewed and the ripple effect it's had on our family has been enormous. Years of unresolved pre-marriage baggage and a decade of erroneous habits finally caught up with us. I've been walking through some very dark times, and the thought of trying to fix "us" has been overwhelming. I was sick of what we'd morphed into over the last 11 years and I had little desire to move toward change. Then I remembered the couple from that retreat mentioned they were in marriage counseling. Since we had no idea what else to do we decided it wouldn't hurt to give it a try. We went for 4 weeks but realized that the direction the counselor was going was different than what we needed and desired. However, it did get us moving toward resolution and unity. Some people say that half the battle is making a decision about something. But that has never proved true for me. Even after we both vowed that 'divorce is NEVER an option,' our marriage remained in a very poor and fragile state of disrepair. Decisions alone DON'T move.

I found the materials we were given at the retreat and ordered a couple of books that were recommended. I thrive with organized outlines and formats, so the first book is a methodical 16-week look at marital intimacy. It's complete with worksheets and questionnaires which I also enjoy. The second book, written by the same authors, is a daily devotional which takes you through 52 marital topics, one per week. We've committed to spending time daily using the devotional, and more in depth time weekly to go through the 16-week course addressing deeper issues.

We're excited to begin rebuilding our relationship with the Lord, each other and our babies. It's okay to NOT be okay, but move beyond a mere thought. Move toward action, because only through action does revolutionary change begin.