Manageable Malek Mayhem

Moving blogs

2010-05-11T09:14:00.002-05:00

Feeling like I need to start fresh, and having very little areas in which I can actually do that, I started a new blog. This one will still exist, but any new content will now be here: Two Plus Five. If you get bored, go for a read.

Where there is life there is laughter

2010-02-01T15:05:00.005-06:00

I am no longer one who frequently smiles and laughs. Over the past two years, the foundation of all I believe has been rocked to its core. Questions, doubts, uncertainty and confusion have swallowed my existence. It's paralyzed me in a way I never could have imagined. I've struggled with people who claim to know God, but live like they've never met Him; people who claim to know God and believe that doing anything other than evangelizing will send you to hell; and people who completely ignore God, yet, are some the most kind, loving and generous humans I know. It's been a very difficult road trying to find the absolute truth when everyone is certain that their interpretation is the right one.

All of this has thrown me into a darkness I've never experienced before. It's been months since I've had substantial religious influence. In a last ditch effort to salvage some part of my spirituality, I unplugged from most things related to Christianity. But the intense gloom has remained. I'm a walking cloud of negative energy. Some of the people I've encountered the past year would actually applaud my exemption from such frivolous behavior like laughter and smiling. I recall one woman saying that she admired a man because the older he gets, the more serious he becomes because he sees how fleeting all of this is. I was nauseous. But when you're surrounded by people who believe that way, you begin to question every smirk, every grin or lighthearted pleasure. I wondered if sitting and coloring with my babies was a horrible waste of time since I could be doing something more profound, like praying or reading my Bible. But the more I was exposed to that type of Christianity, the less I wanted anything to do with my Bible or my God.

The questions have been relentless, the confusion immense. But I'm beginning to feel like He's finally pulling me from this tangled web of twisted theology and doctrine. "Come back to the basics, come back to me and I'll rebuild your house with an all true, absolute foundation." Not sure how long it'll take for me to feel life-like again, but I was blessed with this little tidbit about laughter, from JR Miller:

"Laughter has its place in every wholesome, healthy, holy life. The man who never smiles--is morbid! He has lost the joy chords out of his life...He has accustomed himself so long to sadness--that the muscles of his face have become set in hard, fixed lines--and cannot relax themselves. His thoughts of life are gloomy--and the gloom has entered his soul and darkened his eyes! Where there is no laughter--all evil nests. Demons do not laugh! The man who never laughs must not blame his fellows if they think there is something wrong with his life, something dark within."

Just reading that makes me smile. And it feels good. It feels really, really good.

There's no such thing

2009-12-07T10:25:00.008-06:00

"God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing." C.S. Lewis

Too often, I'll find myself engaged in an argument with my husband, proving all the reasons why what he does or doesn't do adds strife to my existence. He tells me my faults, I reiterate his, and we both agree that there is something gravely wrong. Neither one of us ever seems to know why it is we can't change. Occasionally, we've written out an attack plan of sorts, a road map for how we hope to get ourselves out of this mess. We may make good on those plans for a day or two at the most. But inevitably, we always end up right back where we started, if not worse. When you make a grand plan and can't execute it, you add an additional failure to your list. You continue to feel defeated, hopeless and lonely. You hit rock bottom, make a new plan and the cycle continues endlessly.

A wise man once that said you need to stop trying to change people. If you point people to Christ, and they begin to love Him, change will naturally occur. Yes, Jeremy and I are Christians. We believe wholeheartedly what the Bible says. But we don't live it. We haven't let those truths soak into our souls. I can't love him the way the Lord has commanded me to, because I'm not focused on Christ. My eyes are only on Jeremy and his faults. For the same reason, he can't love me the way he was created too. We have taken our eyes off of our first Love, and have ceased falling more in love with Christ. So our marriage is then stripped down to two, rebellious sinners, trying to love each other in a way that is impossible apart from the love of the Lord. Without Him, I can't be a wife who looks well after her household, respects her husband and raises her children well. Jeremy can't be sensitive to my dreams, love me with delicacy and sacrifice, if all he can see are my shortcomings.

We can make all the grand plans in the world, read every book on marriage and family, attend conference after retreat after seminar. Yet, if our number one reason for breathing isn't to fall more in love with Jesus, all those efforts are in vain. There's no such thing as peace and happiness apart from Him. We will continually find ourselves at the bottom of a very miserable, lonely well. It is by His grace alone that we remain married. Through His loving kindness, He has planted in both of us a desire to stay. No matter how grim things appear, or how dark the words that leave our lips, we both stay. Neither one of us wants the other to go anywhere. That is NOT a product of human will, but of continual, God ordained intervention. I pray the Lord awaken in me a desire to pursue Him above all other things. His word promises that when this happens, everything else will be added unto me. (Matt. 6:33)

It's okay to NOT be okay

2009-10-22T13:33:00.003-05:00

We attended a marriage retreat organized by Austin Stone Community Church in May. I was greatly encouraged by the couple that led the weekend. They'd been married 19 years but were going through a trying time and struggling to connect. What struck me was that even though things weren't incredible between them, they were still very affectionate and loving toward one another. They weren't waiting until their issues were resolved to start loving.

We were given a wealth of information over that weekend. We attempted to put into practice some of that upon our return to reality, but we failed miserably. Our priorities have been skewed and the ripple effect it's had on our family has been enormous. Years of unresolved pre-marriage baggage and a decade of erroneous habits finally caught up with us. I've been walking through some very dark times, and the thought of trying to fix "us" has been overwhelming. I was sick of what we'd morphed into over the last 11 years and I had little desire to move toward change. Then I remembered the couple from that retreat mentioned they were in marriage counseling. Since we had no idea what else to do we decided it wouldn't hurt to give it a try. We went for 4 weeks but realized that the direction the counselor was going was different than what we needed and desired. However, it did get us moving toward resolution and unity. Some people say that half the battle is making a decision about something. But that has never proved true for me. Even after we both vowed that 'divorce is NEVER an option,' our marriage remained in a very poor and fragile state of disrepair. Decisions alone DON'T move.

I found the materials we were given at the retreat and ordered a couple of books that were recommended. I thrive with organized outlines and formats, so the first book is a methodical 16-week look at marital intimacy. It's complete with worksheets and questionnaires which I also enjoy. The second book, written by the same authors, is a daily devotional which takes you through 52 marital topics, one per week. We've committed to spending time daily using the devotional, and more in depth time weekly to go through the 16-week course addressing deeper issues.

We're excited to begin rebuilding our relationship with the Lord, each other and our babies. It's okay to NOT be okay, but move beyond a mere thought. Move toward action, because only through action does revolutionary change begin.

The question every man dreads

2009-08-09T16:14:00.003-05:00

I've often asked my husband why he loves me. It's always quite humorous to observe his shifty eyes and nervous twitch. In all the years I've asked that ridiculous question, he never has given me an acceptable answer. I always dreamed of an organized list that oozed with the glorious things he admired about me. It needed to list every intricate detail of who I am, what I do, how I think and how all of those things are perfect, wonderful and worthy of his faithful devotion. I wanted my ego and pride puffed up by my husband.

Last week, I had one of those "poor me, my husband doesn't study me enough," pity parties. I jotted down some irrational and dramatic thoughts on a sheet of paper. One line read, "what exactly does he love anyways, when he disregards everything that I am??" As soon as I wrote it, the Lord was very quick to ask me why I loved my husband. He was asking me to give my list of wonderful things that cause me to love this man. My mind was struggling to find a specific list of attributes I deemed lovable. Then I started thinking and sharing my list with the Lord....well, he makes me laugh. "Okay, that's a nice trait in a spouse. But what happens when you stop laughing, or he stops being funny?" Hm. Well, he's a great Father to the kids. "Alright, but what happens on those days when he slips and fails as a dad?" Well, we are great at communication and we can talk for hours! "That truly is a blessing, but what happens when you go through periods where communication is poor and you just can't seem to connect? Then what?"

Then it finally hit me. God doesn't love me for a long list of wonderful traits or strengths. He doesn't love me because I've done something to deserve that love or earn that love. He loves me simply because I'm His. If I love my husband for a specific reason, then I'll stop loving him when that reason fades. Love like that is certainly not faithful or devoted, but instead can turn with the tide. So, I should love my husband because he belongs to me, and he should love me because I belong to him. He can't do anything to earn it, and he'll never be deemed undeserving. What freedom and joy comes from truly loving minus any conditions. "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine." Song of Solomon 6:3 If it's enough for the Lord, then it's definitely enough for me.

A torch to an ice cube

2009-08-04T14:01:00.002-05:00

I've been studying Acts for a couple of weeks, and although I'm certain I've read it before, the Lord has been so gracious to reveal some incredible truths this time around. That's why my Bible will never get old; new facets of the same truth applied to familiar texts.

In Acts 26, Paul gives his testimony to King Agrippa. He says that Jesus told him "it is hard for you to kick against the goads." A goad is a tool used to spur or guide livestock. The more they fight against it, the deeper it goes, the more painful it is. When I resist the will of the Lord, the consequences are always rather painful. The more I refuse, the uglier the situation becomes. I see this most often exhibited in my marriage. If I've been wronged, my initial response is to retaliate. My tendency is to go to an extreme. During these time when my mind becomes cloudy and filled with confusing emotions, I always, ALWAYS hear the Lord speaking softly to me. "Stop. Take a deep breath. You love this man, this man I've given you. Yes, he's hurt you. But love him. Love him in return, don't hurt him in return. Bring your pain to me, not him. He can't fix it, but I can." But I want to hold on to the pain sometimes. I feel like I'm entitled to my tantrum, that I deserve to have my every single feeling revealed to this man. But the Lord tells me to cast my burdens on the Him, for He will sustain me (Psalm 55:22). He never says that humans have the ability to sustain anyone. Only He can do that.

When I resist His voice, and kick against the "goads" things deteriorate quickly. My heart begins to build a wall against my husband, and thoughts flood in as to why he is undeserving of my love. That's just gross and sinful. So, I repent, and ask the Lord to give me a heart that yields to His will. And I am amazed and so grateful at how quickly He rescues me from my terrible choices. The Lord can melt an offended heart like nothing else on earth. In an instant, all resentment and bitterness is gone; any wall that was constructed is destroyed. It's like He took a torch to an ice cube. He gives me a renewed heart and mind, and reminds me to bring any offenses to Him. He fills my soul with an unquenchable love for Him and for Jeremy. My husband is not my therapist and he's certainly not my God. How shameful of me to expect him to be sometimes. Praying I can stop resisting when I hear His voice. Because ultimately, His will cannot be refused and I will come around. Thankfully, I get to play a small part in just how painful of a process that's going to be.

Think about sorrow

2009-07-27T11:41:00.003-05:00

No one likes to ponder future anguish. But I've recently be learning that it can actually be quite beneficial. I'm not talking about playing the paranoid 'what if' game. I'm talking about the pain and agony that will inevitably find each and every one of us. People die, loved ones get sick, plans blow up in our faces, life is painful. I used to believe that avoiding these thoughts would somehow better my chances of getting through life unscathed. The thing is, suffering shows no partiality.

I've started to see how facing that truth actually enables me to prepare. What can I do now, during this blissful season of life, to prepare for future sorrow? How am I strengthening my soul so that when tragedy comes I am not shaken? The Lord promises to be enough during any affliction, but am I earnestly pursuing Him completely, today? Am I immersing myself in His Word and His promises? Now is the time to absorb as much of Him as I can, so that I have something to draw from when my time comes. I have seen the Lord prepare hearts years in advance of a catastrophe. If I ask Him to, He will begin to equip me now. I want to suffer well because Jesus suffered well. It's imperative that my roots run deep so that when the earth beneath my feet gives way, I'm still anchored.

I've also received a new perspective on happiness. I read a blog post from Molly Piper last week, here. She says she used to be "happy" before she lost her daughter almost 2 years ago. While she still finds joy in the Lord and His faithfulness, she is not as carefree as before. Molly was forever changed after that loss. If I can realize that joy can be constant, yet happiness temporary, small things won't matter. I am happy right now and I should rejoice in this cheerful time. Praise the Lord that I can be carefree today! I should devour and savor every blissful morsel of this time, for I never know when it'll instantly shift and I will immediately change. If I can remember that, then it's going to take a LOT more to disrupt my mood. Those minor annoyances and irritations that I've let snowball into full blown misery won't make a dent. I'd hate to see how many hours of my life I've been unhappy by my own choosing.

This is a calm, happy season of my life, and I am humbly thankful. It's the perfect time to chase after the Lord harder and to beg Him to begin preparing me for what lies ahead. I pray He'll strengthen and grow me to be so entwined in Him, that nothing will cause me to waver. I pray He'll give me the ability to richly appreciate this sunny moment, for its memory will be sweet to my soul during times of distress. His faithfulness will carry me through the darkest of days. I want Him to be enough. He will be enough.

Just trust me

2009-06-30T08:41:00.002-05:00

My babies are both in love with and terrified of the water. If they could swim 12 hours a day, 7 days a week, they would. However, the sheer excitement and giddiness would be mixed with occasional terror filled screams and screeches.

We were able to spend some more time with their auntie, Shauna, before she flew back to Michigan yesterday. We met at her hotel for an early morning swim. All my babies still have to wear floaties, but I'm so anxious for them to be able to swim without them. I really wanted them to at least try and float yesterday. One by one I took them in my arms and instructed them how to lay on their backs in the water. "No, no, no, I can't, I'll drown!" I tried my best to reassure them that they could trust me, I was right there, I would not let go and they would not drown. But not one of them could do it. Their necks never would release and allow their heads to float on the water. I stood there a little bit baffled by it all. I mean, I am their mother. If I say trust me, shouldn't they be able to trust me with anything? I started to wonder if this was a sign that I was failing somewhere, but the Lord quickly redirected my thoughts. "Crystal, you do this with Me." I think I actually started to laugh a bit, but then realized that He was right. My goodness, how many times have I kicked and fought and screamed in a situation, trying my hardest to control every aspect of it? He tells me that I can trust Him, that He is right there and that He won't let go. The water may rise above my chin and even flow into my mouth, but He will not let me drown. But most of the time, I don't believe Him. "Those are just your promises, I need something more secure, more certain, more tangible!"

I felt bad for the babies because their fear really kept them from the joy they could have experienced had they simply trusted me. They would have been able to enjoy safely floating in the comfort of my secure and loving arms. It really made me wonder what I've missed out on because I was too afraid of drowning to truly trust Him. If I was 100% certain of my ability to protect them, how much more should I be confident when the Lord tells me the same? I pray He give me the ability to fully and completely rest in His secure and loving arms.

We're all tired

2009-06-24T14:43:00.004-05:00

I've never met anyone who didn't complain about their level of exhaustion. It seems like everyone is tired these days. I wonder if that's the way it's always been, or if that burden has increased during these hectic, super charged days we live now. I know it's the first complaint you'll hear from my lips, and I've grown weary of it. Even my doctor says it's because I'm a mom with 4 babies. But, I don't know if I believe that anymore. The Lord so incredibly created our bodies. He did only give us one, though. I know the importance of taking care of my soul and how vital it is to my existence. But I horribly neglect taking care of this one body He's loaned to me. I don't get enough sleep, don't drink enough water, don't eat enough produce, don't exercise at all, don't discern what goes in as much as I should. He calls us to be good stewards of everything, not just our finances, personal belongings, or the earth. When I'm tired, my whole home is tired. Everyone can sense the ongoing feeling of energy being drained from their bones. It's contagious. The house gets neglected, the babies get neglected, my man gets neglected, and there's no way I can be a faithful witness to the glories of God when I look like I haven't slept in 4 weeks. I heard a great line in a song the other day; "if you really want to move, you've got to get moving." Simple concept. I'm tired of waiting for some magical instantaneous cure all. I'm not going to stumble into a close relationship with the Lord, a God-glorifying marriage, a deep connection with my babies or a healthy, non-exhausted me. All things worth anything take intentionality. I pray the Lord give me the motivation that only He can give. That's when things will really start to get interesting.

The swapping of “have”

2009-06-02T15:28:00.002-05:00

Jeremy and I went to a marriage retreat this past weekend put on by Austin Stone. I can’t even begin to describe the vast amount of spiritual and practical wisdom I gained from attending. I hope to be able to share portions of that over time, because it was just-that-good! Even before Jeremy and I were married, I had some idea of my role as his partner. We almost split before exchanging our vows, but I remember that something or someone was telling me not to go. I vividly remember looking at him as I prepared to give him my last goodbye. I couldn’t do it. I specifically heard “you have to take care of this man.” I wasn’t sure why, certainly didn’t desire to do so, but begrudgingly accepted that statement and moved forward. Through the years, the Lord has revealed more details about my role as Jeremy’s wife. Each time I’ve met a hard truth, I’ve viewed it with the same resentment, “I have to submit to this man….I have to fulfill his needs….I have to be gentle and quiet….I have to be his helper…” etc. But the Lord will not rest with me fulfilling my role as a wife begrudgingly. He has begun to show me an entirely new perspective in regards to my calling. This past weekend, I began to realize what He’s been doing. My dark heart was screaming, “I have to take care of this man!” But the Lord has given my heart a new song. It now sings, “I get to take care of this man!” My, how things sound so different with the swapping of “have” for “get.” God has given me such a precious blessing as Jeremy’s wife. I’ve been so selfishly blind to that truth for far too long. I am so grateful the Lord took the time to flip the switch of my bitter heart. I pray He continues to do so fervently.

Intentional submission

2009-05-28T09:34:00.002-05:00

I'm a huge fan of podcasts, particularly, from my two favorite churches. One of those, is the Village near Dallas. In one sermon, Matt talked about the classes they offer there on the weekends so that you can learn more about theology, work through struggles, etc. They're support for your personal walk with the Lord. Thankfully, they've included audio from some of those classes on their website here. The one I was immediately drawn to was the one titled How to study the Bible, here. This is an area in which I've greatly struggled. I can't find the motivation, can't find the time, when I do find the time I can't understand what I read, etc. This message gives a great system for studying the Word on a daily basis. Part of me always thought I needed to read everyday so that I'd be a disciplined Christian. But it's not even about that. Picking up my Bible everyday is the first sign that I'm submitting my life to Christ. It says that I acknowledge that I know NOTHING, He knows EVERYTHING, and I'm desperate for Him to speak to me and lead me. It's me making an intentional decision to submit my way to His way. The message is only about 45 minutes long, and I encourage you to download it and take a listen. I also printed out the reading plan he discusses, here. See if the Lord will give you fresh eyes in regards to your Bible. I've only been doing this for a few days, and already God has shown His faithfulness to meet me. It's amazing what He'll actually show you when you seek Him. I'd love to hear your thoughts after you've listened to it...

It's not just for men

2009-04-23T14:37:00.004-05:00

I love listening to sermons on my ipod. The pod was a "just because" gift from my mommy. I enjoy making organized play lists of sermons. I've got a list for sermons on mommy-hood, a list for sermons on wife-hood, then a general marriage list and a few others.

I've got a husband/dad play list I made for Jeremy, and I listened to two sermons yesterday directed toward men. I was surprisingly blessed by them even as a woman. Men as Husbands has got to be one of the funniest sermons I've listened to. Matt Chandler has a way of giving gut wrenching truths laced with hilarious anecdotes unlike I've ever heard before. I laughed harder than I have in a while and that felt so good. I was also reminded of just how much influence I can and do have on my man. So much can change depending on which word I choose to speak to him. I was left feeling encouraged to treat Jeremy with more respect, kindness, patience, love, mercy and grace. Not because he deserves it or because he earned it, but because he's mine. It's what the Lord desires and my obedience will lead to greater joy.

Men as Fathers also caused eruptions of laughter as I folded laundry. But more importantly, it opened my eyes to a tragic error I've made as a parent when conveying who the Lord is to my babies. I am first to stress to them that He is holy and that He deserves our obedience. When they lie or hit, I pull out the scripture to reiterate that the Lord hates that kind of behavior and that it saddens Him. I talk about how certain attitudes dishonor God and make others wonder about His reputation if we claim we're His and act like that. They hear all about the don'ts of the Bible. But what I've neglected to stress is the beauty of how God has shown His love and glory to us through all that we enjoy as humans. The sermon talked about how we must tie everything back to its origin. If Ella loves pink, lets talk about how creative God is that He thought up the color pink and lets us see it! If Noah loves lions, lets talk about how incredible God is for creating such a strong animal. Lets talk about how He figured out just how loud it would roar and how it would slowly stalk its food. We can talk about how God knew just how long to make the mane, or how sharp to make the teeth and claws. When Hannah tells me she loves chocolate, we can talk about how yummy it is and how good of a creator the Lord is for giving us chocolate to enjoy. We can talk about whether we think He likes dark or semi-sweet better, in bar form or chip, frozen in ice cream or sprinkled on a cupcake. It all ties back to Him, and I have failed miserably at showing the babies how to praise Him and thank Him for all of it. All things beautiful and wonderful and enjoyable, all things good and pure and precious...it's all because of Him. Sure, we thank Him for our food and our obvious blessings. But do the babies thank Him for the way sand glides through their fingers, mud squishes between their toes or a popsicle stains their tongues? No. They don't, because I don't.

Praying the Lord give me the grace to show my babies that the Lord is not only just, but gloriously fun as well. He is oh so good to us, and I want my babies to live in that truth.

A place for picnics

2009-03-29T20:25:00.001-05:00

I’ve wanted a mini picnic table for the babies for some time. I never could find one that I liked enough to actually purchase. Last week I found some online plans for making our own, and after some tweaking we made this one in a little over an hour. I’m going to paint it this week, so this is not the finished product. The kids love it, and I’m hoping it’ll last for many years.

My first garden casualty

2009-03-18T13:47:00.003-05:00

I joined Facebook after a few friends of mine sent me invitations. It's pretty fun. You can find almost anyone you're looking for. It's really easy to upload photos, so there may be some I upload there instead of here.

In other news, this is my first garden casualty. This was chocolate mint. I think Titus actually ate it. All I found was this pot on its side completely empty. I don't even see any remnants of the soil that was in that pot! I knew I should have fenced my herbs, but he never bothers the other ones. There was just something about the mint that I guess he couldn't resist.

Good thing he's so cute.

This is a first

2009-03-13T18:04:00.002-05:00

Look what I found on the toilet seat about 30 minutes ago. Now, at least he was honest and owned up to writing this. Jeremy actually found it first. It was extremely difficult to keep a straight face while asking him why he would do such a thing. With a very sad and solemn look on his face and a quiver in his voice he said, "well, I wanted this to be my toilet." I didn't quite know what to say besides, "we don't write on toilets in this house." Then I had to bolt from the room before he saw my smile.

My garden

2009-03-12T10:35:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, my sweet mom came over to help me finish the last of my plantings. Take a look at our hard work. I really hope the Lord will bless my measly efforts at a garden. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for years but never got around to.

Here’s the main part. Had to fence it in to keep the dogs out.

This is my roma tomato plant. The main stem accidentally snapped about 75%, but I read that it’ll heal itself if you help support it. I also have 6 celebrity tomatoes, 3 sugar grape, and 1 yellow pear. Yum.

This is one of my 3 strawberry plants. See the tiny strawberry already emerging?

Here’s one of my 3 cucumbers. I like the curly vine.

My serrano pepper, see the tiny one already there?

The long stringy things are onions, red and yellow. Then there’s a jalapeno plant, red, green & purple bell peppers, and garlic.

Every garden must have some herbs, so in the orange bucket I have parsley, cilantro and chives; in the blue planter basil, oregano, thyme and rosemary. I also have a little pot with some chocolate mint.

Then I have a little separate watermelon patch since they need more space. There are 6 plants.

I’m also planting some lettuce and spinach, but not sure where, and I’m going to try a thing called “trash can potatoes.” I’m curious how much of this will actually grow. I’ll keep you updated.

Accepting apologies

2009-03-11T08:55:00.001-05:00

I’ve always believed that accepting an apology is the same as forgiving someone. But the Lord showed me that I was very wrong in my understanding of forgiveness.

I was given a very heartfelt apology recently and I accepted it. I thought that was the end of the incident, however, a couple of days later I felt some bitterness creeping to the surface. It made me wonder what I actually accomplished by “accepting” the apology. Not much. The acceptance did declare a few things: I understood that the person was acknowledging their wrongdoing, I understood that they wished they would’ve done things differently, and I understood that their regret was sincere. So, I “accepted” those declarations. I even expressed some of my own regrets and apologies were issued. My heart felt relieved and refreshed, but it was short-lived. I hadn’t actually forgiven anything. True forgiveness wipes the slate clean. Forgiveness says not only is the apology accepted, but the relationship has been restored to it’s pre-offense condition. It’s as if the offense had never taken place.

Well, what if they don’t request my forgiveness? No matter. The Lord commands me to forgive those who wrong me as He forgives me who wrongs Him daily. Forgiveness is a transaction between me and my Lord. I do it because He tells me too, not because I think the person deserves it or because I agree with what they did. Forgiveness does not condone wrong actions. Forgiveness says, I know you screwed up but I screw up too, and I am so grateful that the Lord doesn’t hold that against me. Likewise, I won’t hold it against you and I pray that the Lord reveal to you any areas that need to be confessed to Him. Only then is it the end of the incident. Impossible? Yes. In case you haven’t noticed, humans hate to forgive and let things go. I know I love to harbor bitter memories and store them away for the future when I can whip them out to prove my case. But that is sinful and hideous and the Lord despises that kind of heart. So, how do you even attempt the impossible? I cling to the truth that the Lord will give me grace to accomplish that which He commands me to do. It’s that simple. Do I believe Him? Do I really think He can make me do the impossible? Does He really make ALL things new? No doubt. So by His grace what am I going to do? Work it out.

Ah, such sweetness

2008-12-04T12:18:00.006-06:00

He stands

2008-12-02T09:36:00.005-06:00

Thanks to all of you that sent prayers our way. The funeral for my aunt went really well. It was an informal gathering of friends and family and I was able to see many relatives I haven't visited with in a long time. That was a blessing.

We had a lovely, stress-free Thanksgiving at my sweet sister's house. Food was yummy and we only had enough leftovers for one day. We got our tree up and I let the kids decorate it as they wanted. That means we have a clump of ornaments in one area and a tangled mess of garland in another. It's a beautiful mess that the kids adore.

Nathan not only sits unassisted now, he also stood-up in his crib the other day. He was so excited he began to bounce and then quickly fell backwards. My nights have been very long since he now gets up when I try and lie him down. Not sure what he's going through, but he was up hourly last night. My eyes are very heavy today.

I'm taking the babies to go and visit my Granny tomorrow. She has yet to meet our sweet Nathan, and I feel like a mini-road trip. She a little over an hour away. Please keep us in prayer for safe travel. Below are some random pics.

Hannah said "I can feel the beautiful breeze," as she made this face.

Isn't she sweet?

Noah was pushing Ella in the swing like a sweet baby brother should.

My little man.

Doesn't he look huge??

Still drooling profusely.

Norma Gloria Childress

2008-11-21T13:46:00.004-06:00

My Aunt Norma passed away last night at the age of 69. She was diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumor just a little over a year ago. I was able to take the babies to go and visit her Wednesday night. I'm so thankful I was given that chance. She couldn't communicate with me, but she could open her eyes. They'd open wider when Hannah would laugh or Nathan would coo. I know she could hear us, and I hope she felt our love.

I didn't get to see her as much as I now wish I had. We lived in the same city, yet I only saw her a couple of times a year at best. She was such a beautiful woman. Regardless of how long she knew you, she'd have no problem telling you about Jesus. She was confident that He had saved her, and she wanted everyone to share in His gift. She loved animals and would take in any stray that came through her door. When her sister had a stroke, and no one really talked to her because she was hard to understand, Norma would call her often and spend hours at a time chatting with her. She tended to her disabled younger brother his whole life, caring for him when others found him uncomfortable to be around. She played the piano and had a beautiful singing voice, and she loved sharing it with others. I told her on Wednesday how all the babies have that same love for music, and how our house is always filled with song. I know she was glad.

I hate that I didn't call her more, see her more, go out of my way for her more. I hate that I let "life" get in the way of keeping in contact with her. I hate that I was uncomfortable going to see her because her home wasn't in the best neighborhood. I hate that I didn't always remember that her birthday was February 19th and that I didn't call her or send her a card or take her to lunch. I hate that I didn't share my world with her and allow her to enjoy my children. I hate that once she got sick, I only went to see her 6 times, 3 of which she was unresponsive. I hate that she's gone.

She deserved so much more out of me than I was willing to give. I'm not sure why I was so hesitant to love her. She was always open and willing had I just taken the time to be there. Yes, I have 4 children and my free time is limited. But if one more person tries to convince me that I can use that as an excuse to get out of doing anything outside of raising them, I think I'm going to scream.

I miss my Aunt. Please keep me in prayer as I try to figure out how I can best change my life so that I never have to feel this deep, gnawing regret again. I don't even know where to start.

Swings, smiles, sunshine & sword slayings

2008-11-17T12:47:00.006-06:00

I hate to admit it, but I don't take the kids outside in our backyard very often. It's been neglected and the entire play set has been overrun with spider webs and bird poop. Again, I don't want any regrets, so this morning I chopped down the weeds and sprayed off the spiders and all their eggs. Gross. After all was dry, we all went outside and enjoyed the most beautiful morning. As you can tell from the photos, the babies were all very happy to be out there. I also brought out their swords. You know what the saddest realization was for me? I've never played with those swords. Noah said "mom, fight with me," and it dawned on me that I NEVER have. I put Nathan down for his nap, came back out, and battled with Noah until he actually retreated in exhaustion. "Momma, I don't want to fight anymore, I'm so tired." That is a beautiful statement to this momma's ears. I was a little surprised how out of breath I was too. Honestly, it felt a tad weird at first because I'm not the hands-on, get down in the dirt and tumble with the kids type. But, I want to be. My cousin was here the other day and mentioned how her son called her ageless because she always plays with him like a kid. You know what Ella said to that? "Well, our mom doesn't really play with us that much." Ouch. So, adding that to my list of new habits--to actually get involved with playing with my kids, not just supervising. I will pray that the Lord give me the imagination, spontaneity, energy and silliness of a child. The next time someone talks about their mom playing with them, I want Ella to be able to say that her mom ALWAYS plays with her.

One more

2008-11-12T13:01:00.000-06:00

Silence is sweet

2008-11-12T12:45:00.002-06:00

It was such a blessing last night to be able to talk to my husband without hearing the phone ring. I'd left the ringer off, so even though we did get a couple of calls we heard nothing. Often times he and I will be talking, but we're interrupted because I answer the phone. Once I start a conversation with the caller, he usually goes off to do something else since I'm no longer paying attention to him. That's so sad and just makes me feel gross. We had a blast talking and playing with the kids. We even stayed up a little past our bedtime because we were talking so much! It was so wonderful.

Here are a few pics of my bunch. I'm so crazy about these people, and how incredible that the Lord blessed me with the gift of tending to them and their needs. Ah, sweet sighs of gratitude. Oh, and the pic of Ella is specifically for Josh.

I hate regrets

2008-11-11T12:05:00.000-06:00

Yes, I haven't posted in almost a month. I'll blame it on one of my many distractions.

Have you ever taken a look at your life and realized that something is terribly wrong? Priorities are out of line, your focus has shifted, endless time has been wasted? Granted, everyone knows that 'life is short', but do any of us live like we believe that? I know I haven't been. In my mind I've got decades ahead and plenty of time to right any wrongs I might commit. But what if this is my last week, or day or hour? Can I honestly say I have no regrets? Of course not; I have a multitude of them! And there's a part of my brain that says it's already too late, there's no way I can make any kind of lasting, permanent change. But those are lies, and thankfully the Lord has allowed me to realize that.

Is there a point to my ramblings? I hope so. My Lord and my family have not gotten my full attention. The house is a mess, laundry behind, meals made half-heartily, paper piles exploding. I haven't had my morning time with the Lord in a long time and my Bible journal sits dusty with the last entry from early October! I'm to a point where I'm beginning to understand that to conquer a sin, one must get radical about it. Now, what I'm trying to change may not be that radical, but it certainly takes more discipline than I've been practicing.

I have a crazy addiction to the internet. Just because I'm not looking at anything wrong, doesn't mean that what I'm doing isn't. It devours my time. I'll be the first to say I hate TV because it's a time thief. But when it comes to the internet, I'll rationalize why it's okay for me to be on for hours at a time. That ends today. A friend of mine ONLY gets online when her babies are napping. She says it's amazingly changed her household! That's a change I welcome with open arms. So, no internet except when they're napping. Done.

I talk on the phone way too much during the day. I love talking on the phone, but again, it swallows my time. I get engrossed in a conversation and before I know it, someone has painted on the wall, fallen head first off the couch, gotten a blueberry stuck in their nose or stripped down to only a pair of socks. "Do you even watch the kids?" was a valid question posed to me after they'd gotten into more then they should have. When I'm on the phone, NO, I do not watch the kids. I admit it, and I hate it. What's worse, is if that phone conversation doesn't end well. Who do you think I take it out on when I hang up the phone? So, thankfully the Lord has blessed us with an answering machine. Wonderful thing about those? You don't HAVE to answer the phone just because it rings. So, I will no longer be answering the phone during the day. I know, what if there's an emergency? But my husband has a cell phone, and anyone who needs to reach me knows how to reach him.

I will go to bed at a decent hour, which should be easy now that I only get online when the babies are napping. Naps occur between noon and 2pm. That means I shouldn't be on any other time then those 2 hours. So, no more staying up till midnight aimlessly browsing the web. Early to bed means.....early to rise. Up at 5 am like I used to do so that I can get plenty of uninterrupted time with my Lord. The babies aren't up until close to 7, so that gives me almost 2 hours. That is the best and only way I should start my day.

And I want to start posting more on this blog. I love writing, and as long as I can get it in during those naps, it might be something the Lord can use in some way. Life is way, way short and fleeting. Don't wait until next week or next year to get your priorities in line. You only get one shot at this. There are no redo's. Ask the Lord to give you the ability to do the absolute best the first, and only time around. He is faithful. He will answer you.

He crawls...almost

2008-11-11T12:03:00.002-06:00

October 16, 1998

2008-10-16T12:52:00.005-05:00

10 years ago, at 4:30 pm on a Friday afternoon, Jeremy and I walked into a Marquette County court room and exchanged our vows. We had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. For all practical purposes, we never should have gotten married. We were two selfish, self-centered individuals coming together as one. It was a recipe for extreme disaster. But to call what we had at the very beginning a disaster would truly be an understatement. It's by the grace of the Lord Himself that we are still standing side by side. I am so thankful that He took the time to throw us two together and weave our horrifying mess into a beautiful tapestry. Jeremy fits me so well. I'm amazed at how much we can laugh together. When he's at work, I keep hoping he'll come home soon. And the sound of the garage door coming up in the late afternoon gives my heart such a boost. Even on the rough days, just knowing that he's here is enough. The Lord has richly blessed me with a husband who is faithful to me and who still delights in his bride. On days when I look like a cat scrambled up my face and over my head, he can still stare at me with a certain twinkle in his eyes. I look at him like he's crazy, and he just smiles.

I often hear people say, "oh, I love him like I did the day we got married." Maybe that's great for some people, but goodness, what I felt 10 years ago isn't even a fraction of what I feel for him today. Not only is he a dedicated, hard-working husband who sacrifices so that I don't have to work, but he is a wonderful, loving father to our 4 babies. Seeing him grow as a dad has been incredible. He has such a sensitive and compassionate heart. He's not afraid to let us see him cry, and he could never get enough hugs and kisses from his babies.

But the best thing about this man of mine, is that he is committed to becoming more Christ like. He knows he's not perfect, he knows he has his faults; but he is fighting to change, he's fighting to be different. Jeremy knows that the only hope in ever succeeding is through Jesus. What more could a woman want than a husband who is seeking after the Lord? May He grant us many more years to seek Him together.

Another blown chance

2008-10-02T12:38:00.004-05:00

I am so thankful that the Lord is faithful to continue His work in me. One of my biggest struggles has been speaking less. There are so many words that come out of my mouth that are completely worthless, or that actually cause pain or insecurity. You don't always have to say something obviously negative for it to cause some serious waves.

A few days ago, I asked someone a question and I thought I wanted an honest response. When her answer wasn't what I was hoping for, my brain began instantly transmitting a rebuttal to my mouth. But I cut off the transmission. "Yay, a victory" I naively thought. She truly believed I had accepted her answer, and continued on. My brain knew my mouth wasn't going to cooperate, so it began shooting orders to my face. Haven't quite mastered the art of controlling my expressions, so it wasn't long before my friend noticed and inquired. Now, a note here, there are times I can keep my mouth quiet until the person asks me a question. I knew that if I could get her to ask me about something, then I would give myself permission to speak. So she asks, and I open my mouth and answer why I'm troubled by her initial response. The second I say it, I think "NO! Why did you do that?? Now you've just opened the floodgates! Why couldn't you just be quiet??" I waited for her to say something.

"What? I didn't hear you."

"Sweet relief! She didn't hear me. Now I can say something else, or change the subject. " But, my mouth actually began to open and I was going to repeat my original comments! It was like I couldn't stop myself. I didn't want to say it, but it was about to pour out again. With the first word on my lips, I suddenly hear my child screaming my name from the bathroom. "Mom, I'm peeing on the floor!" So, up I hop running to find Noah who is standing in a puddle.

While I'm in there cleaning the floor and cleaning him, and having a mom/son talk about why he peed on the floor when he was inches from the toilet, and how he is too old for these types of accidents to keep happening, I realize that the Lord just saved me! He knew how easy the temptation was to speak my mind, so he removed me from the temptation. It was just enough time for me to snap out of it and realize what a fool I was. When I returned to our conversation, the Lord had changed my heart and I was truly content with the original answer I'd received.

I love that He not only gives you multiple chances, but that He'll swoop in and save you when you're going to blow those chances! I am so grateful for the close attention He gives to the very small details of me.

One of my fave's

2008-09-29T08:08:00.002-05:00

I found out about JJ Heller about a year ago. She is a talented musician, and I love the simplicity of her music. For the next month, she's letting listeners download her latest album for FREE. Just click here and you can download the files. I love this album.....

Parasitic expectations

2008-09-27T20:36:00.003-05:00

Do you ever find yourself struggling with expectations? The Bible is pretty clear about who we should turn to for all of our needs. The Lord doesn't say He'll supply some of our needs or merely a portion, but that He'll provide for each and every one of them. I can read His promises and believe them in my mind and in my heart. But why is it so difficult to entirely release humans of any and all expectations? I hate that there are specific things I hope people will say or do or believe. Will I ever be free from building scenarios in my mind that aren't likely to ever take place? Is it possible to not only accept that those things won't take place, but be exceedingly joyful as well? In my own strength, never. But I trust His words. He can get me there; He will get me there. He may not ever change my circumstances, but He most certainly can and will continue working on my heart.

By the way, go see the movie Fireproof. It was wonderful and will be a blessing to many marriages.

PS

2008-09-26T08:07:00.002-05:00

I get a lot of comments from people when they see me with 4 babies...."How do you do it? Are they all yours? You really have your hands full..." I really want to be able to respond with a comment that connects my mothering with the Lord and His grace. Can anyone give me some good ways to do that? If you get similar comments, how do you respond? I want to share my faith every chance that I can. I'm most often approached by strangers in regards to the babies, so that must be the main channel for opportunity the Lord has given me. Any ideas??

Family date night

2008-09-26T07:29:00.003-05:00

I don't know why I'm surprised when the Lord not only grants our needs, but some of our wants as well. He knows I have a favorite restaurant that is very pricey; one that a family of 6 can't frequent at all these days. Well, not only have Jeremy and I gone there on a date this past month, but we took all the babies there last night, and he and I will get to go alone again in the next couple of weeks. How can we suddenly afford it? I was able to get a job as a secret shopper there. I make detailed observations of our experience, and I'm reimbursed for our entire ticket! It's been such a blessing, and I snapped some pics of our dinner last night. This was the first time all 6 of us have gone out. The big kids did great, but Nathan was a little fussy. I'm sure he's going to pop a tooth out any day now, he's just been so miserable. Oh, and, he pooped on me at the restaurant. Literally. Those of you who have breastfed know exactly how that yellow substance can pour uncontrollably. Glad I wasn't wearing white. Did you know that if you place any washed, yet still stained garment in the sunshine, the stain will disappear? Natural, free stain remover, courtesy of my Lord.

This post, mainly for Josh

2008-09-17T10:09:00.001-05:00

Because he never tires of seeing his babies sing.

Peppermint, slides & flaming coals

2008-09-16T07:54:00.003-05:00

Regardless of what you put in front of Hannah, when you ask her what is smells like her answer is peppermint. "Ooo, that smeels like peppermint." And yes, she pronounces is "smeels."

We were finally able to enjoy some park time without ending up completely drenched in sweat. The kids loved the coolness while they played. It was amazing how many times they could run in circles without getting bored of it! Noah slid down a curvy slide at the park and with a huge grin exclaimed, "I was pretending I was getting flushed down the toilet!" He was in good spirits for someone that was just introduced to our city sewer system.

Am I the only Christian woman who would rather crawl through flaming coals than remain silent? Why does a "gentle & quiet spirit" appear so unattainable for me? One of my favorite passages has always been 1 Peter 3. He's talking specifically to wives of husbands not obeying the Word. He says that those men may be won by her character, her behavior, NOT her words. Those voices are so loud sometimes, "Go on, speak up! You know that if you state your case, explain it well, hit all those points, that he will understand. He'll see the error of his ways and he'll apologize. You CAN change his mind, so go on, try to." The only problem with those voices is that they're absolutely 100% lies. How can I be so certain? Because we'll celebrate 10 years of marriage next month, Lord-willing, and that kind of logic has NEVER, not ONCE, worked for me! Even the most promising conversations that appear hopeful are short lived at best. Maybe I can change his mind for 10 seconds, but a temporarily changed mind doesn't transform a marriage. A changed heart does. Humans can't change hearts; that's entirely a specialty of our Lord.

Paul Washer gives a great sermon to wives, in which he references the analogy of a castle. He says that castles were built in such a way that hundreds could storm and pour through the gates when under attack. Everyone within the castle would then run up to the second floor, where only one stairway and one doorway existed. The hundreds below would follow suit, but all it took was one man at the entrance of that doorway with a lance to defend the whole castle. The enemy could only get through one man at a time. Brilliant, functional design. Our marriage works in the same way. When I think I can change my husband, I storm the gates. I chase him up to the second floor where he stands in the doorway and fights back at everything I can throw at him. We battle like this, relentlessly, while I cry out to the Lord, "why aren't you helping me? Why won't you change him? Why won't you open his eyes?" The Lord replies, "Dear daughter, you may want to continue this fight of yours, but I will not be a part of it. Only one can stand in that doorway and deal with your husband. I will not share that position with anyone, not even you. If you truly want my intervention, my restoring power, then get out of the way." Paul then gives a warning to husbands, "men, if you come home and suddenly your wife is submissive, she isn't nagging you and reprimanding you, she suddenly has a gently and quiet quality about her, you'd better say your prayers. The Lord will be stepping in on her behalf."

I hear those words and I believe them because the Scriptures testify to their truth. But applying them must be one of the most difficult and excruciating things I have ever been called to do. I am argumentative, I am outspoken, I am opinionated. The thing is, when the Lord called me to be one of His, He also called me put to death all past "I am's." The only one that is to remain, is "I am His." He is so faithful, so I know that my cries for the grace to be gentle and quiet are heard. He will answer and He will transform. I'm tired of fighting this battle by myself. I'm stepping out of that doorway.

For my sweet friend

2008-09-16T07:40:00.001-05:00

Thinking and praying for you today. Much love.

Obloquy

2008-09-15T07:45:00.004-05:00

The cool front that has descended upon our area is a very welcomed visitor. After a summer of such stifling and oppressive heat, the cool air gives such an invigorating charge to these weary bones. I am amazed at what a cool breeze does for my sanity. I can almost sense the Lord gently and lovingly blowing those winds across my skin. How thankful I am that He chooses to send those my way today.

Ezekiel is a book I've been studying lately. It's a book filled with such a wealth of richness concerning the Lord and His love for His children. This morning I was reading in chapter 20. He discusses the rules and statutes He has given so that those who follow may live. He also comments on how those were ignored, and specifically, the Sabbath was profaned. Four times in that chapter he says the Sabbath was profaned. I really began to look at what that meant, and how that applies to me. Keeping the Sabbath holy and set apart has seemed like an uphill battle. But the Lord continually brings its importance to my mind. It's not only a day to rest from physical labor or secular distractions, but a day to reflect mainly on the things of the Lord; a day devoted to His service and worship. Of course, He wants us to meditate on the things from Him daily, hourly even. But He also wants us to set apart an entire day to bask in Him.

When I looked up the definition of profane, I saw a new word I wasn't familiar with.
Profane: to violate any thing sacred, or treat with abuse, irreverence, obloquy or contempt; to pollute; to defile. Obloquy is cause of reproach, or disgrace, abusive speech. I can't explain why, but that word has been fixated in my brain all morning. I don't want to treat the Sabbath with obloquy, yet, it's obvious that's all I've been doing.

I'm praying that He show me the best way for this family to honor Him by embracing the Sabbath. Not only will He be more glorified in us doing so, but we'll reap benefits and blessings not possible otherwise.

Just some pics

2008-09-04T20:30:00.005-05:00

It's amazing how different the babies can look depending on their various facial expressions, hair styles, or the miscellaneous goop on their faces. That's koolaid around Noah's mouth. It was a Labor Day treat.

Hannah and Nathan after bath-time.

The sometimes sweet, girls.

First photo of Nathan, his Auntie and his cousin, Baby Rod. I can't wait to be an Aunt.

Puzzle

2008-09-02T15:00:00.007-05:00

I received this puzzle in the latest newsletter from Homeschooling with the Trivium. See how many you find. On my first read-through, I only found 7! Post how many you find, but don't list them. **Update, found all 25, with help from Jeremy on a couple.
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Can you find the names of 25 books of the Bible in this paragraph? This is a most remarkable puzzle. Someone found it in the seat pocket on a flight from Los Angeles to Honolulu, keeping himself occupied for hours. One man from Illinois worked on this while fishing from his john boat. Roy Clark studied it while playing his banjo. Elaine Victs mentioned it in her column once. One woman judges the job to be so involving, she brews a cup of tea to help calm her nerves. There will be some names that are really easy to spot . . . that's a fact. Some people will soon find themselves in a jam, especially since the book names are not necessarily capitalized. The truth is, from answers we get, we are forced to admit it usually takes a minister or scholar to see some of them at the worst. Something in our genes is responsible for the difficulty we have. Those able to find all of them will hear great lamentations from those who have to be shown. One revelation may help, books like Timothy and Samuel may occur without their numbers. And punctuation or spaces in the middle are normal. A chipper attitude will help you compete. Remember, there are 25 books of the Bible lurking somewhere in this paragraph.

Revive me

2008-08-29T22:03:00.003-05:00

Some of you may not be aware that I get tired of certain things remaining the same. I can remember being 6 years old and wanting to move furniture around constantly. For some reason, if something looks the same for too long, it begins to take on a stale quality. So, for those that visit often, yes, this is still the same blog. May you have a blessed labor day weekend, and may the Lord awaken in your soul a thirst for Him that is unquenchable.

From Octavius Winslow
"My soul cleaves to the dust; revive me according to Your Word." Psalm 119:25

"Revive me, Lord--quicken Your work in my soul, and strengthen that which You have wrought in me. The love which congeals, the faith which trembles, the hope which fluctuates, the joy which droops--inspire with new life, new energy, new power! It is of little importance what others think of me; Lord, You know that my soul cleaves to the dust. There is in my heart more of earth than of heaven; more of self than of Christ; more of the creature than of God. You know me in secret--how my grace wanes, how my affections chill, how seldom my closet is visited, how much my Bible is neglected, how insipid to my taste are the means of grace, and how irksome and vapid are all spiritual duties and privileges. Lord, stir up Yourself to the revivifying of my soul; quicken, oh, revive me!"

Yearbook pics

2008-08-29T19:31:00.002-05:00

I found this cool site http://www.yearbookyourself.com/, where you can upload your pic and then drop it into different yearbook photos. Don't have one of myself, so I dropped Jeremy's pic into a couple. It's kind of addicting once you start messing with it.

Please pray for this family

2008-08-27T11:03:00.004-05:00

The Drews Family, click here, returned their 3 year old son to the Lord last night. You can read about him here. Please keep their family in prayer.

After reading about what happened, I gathered all the babies so that we could pray together. I told them what happened, but Hannah and Noah didn't seem to get it. Ella didn't either, but she looked like she would if I explained it better. So I tried to explain what death was in a way that made sense to a 5 year old. I'm not one of those moms that will tell her I can promise I'll always be here. I can promise to always be here for her while I'm alive, but beyond that, only the Lord knows how long any of us has. I see no reason to lie to her, or sugar coat the truth about our existence and how fleeting it is. We've always openly discussed heaven and dying, but I never thought it really sunk in to her. Today, she said they'd see him again in Heaven. And while that is a truth believers cling to, I wanted her to understand that the family was still hurting. I tried to explain what missing someone is all about, and how they can be there every every second of every day for so long, and then gone. I talked about how his mom and dad will miss seeing him smile and laugh and play; that his brothers will miss going to the park with him, chasing him in the yard, and singing their favorite songs. She started to understand. She wanted to pray for them on her own, so she did. Then she cried for about 20 minutes. I began to wonder if I'd made a mistake in talking to her, but I don't believe I did. Noah asked her why she was crying, and she said "I just feel so sad for that family." She wanted to make the family some cards, so right now she's drawing a beautiful, bright garden full of colorful flowers and butterflies. She'll write a personal note and we'll mail it off today. Noah brought me 2 of his cars to place in the envelope. He wants the 2 brothers who are sad to have them to play with. I pray my babies have hearts that hurt when others hurt, and that rejoice when others rejoice. I think the Lord is answering that prayer.

Please continue to pray for the Drews family as they go through one of the darkest times of their lives. Pray the Lord reveal Himself to them in ways they never dreamed, and that they truly feel the depth of His love and grace. Continue to pray please.

The Fantastic Four

2008-08-26T18:36:00.003-05:00

Can you tell all four are related?

Lord lessons

2008-08-22T13:26:00.005-05:00

I love how the Lord will take the time to teach us things He considers vital to our faith. I was very confused about an issue yesterday, and just kind of tossed it to the back of my mind. I didn't consider it that important, and didn't plan on revisiting the issue anytime soon. How the Lord must laugh at what WE consider important. This morning, He very loudly brought that issue back to the front of my mind and showed me EXACTLY what it means, erased all confusion, and showed me how vital it truly is. It was something I had to understand because it was an area that I struggle with. The clarity sure didn't feel good at the time, it actually came at a hurtful price. BUT, now I see what He was doing, understand the message He needed me to embrace, and thank Him for doing so. How I love Him. Thanks also to the person that helped me learn this lesson. I love you too....

Nathan has now moved into the big bouncy thing and loves it. At times he seems a bit overwhelmed by all the color, noise and animation. But I think he feels quite proud when he can make something move or make a sound.

I've always loved photos of little babies looking downward. I think I love seeing the eye-lashes and plumpy cheeks.

We spent some time out in the pool this morning before the rain came roaring in. Of course, the kids all had a blast.

That is, until the thunder rolled in. Hannah mildly panicked when she heard it.

Isn't he sweet? I could just gobble him up. My heart is filled to overflowing, and each day only gets better than the last.

Sweet giggles

2008-08-20T17:52:00.001-05:00

Just one little day

2008-08-20T15:04:00.008-05:00

Oh my, this really blessed me today. Often times I'm so weary, and the thought of teaching, training and guiding children for the next couple of decades is exhausting. I wonder how on earth I'll ever have the energy to keep up with them, the energy to continue my daily household duties as a wife and mother. May the text below from JR Miller, resonate within your hurried, burdened soul as it did with mine.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Give us today our daily bread." Matthew 6:11

One secret of sweet and happy Christian life--is in learning to LIVE BY THE DAY. It is the long stretches which tire us. We say that "we cannot carry this load until we are eighty--or that we cannot fight this battle continually for half a century." But really, there are no long stretches. Life does not come to us in lifetimes; it comes only a day at a time. Even tomorrow is never ours--until it becomes today; and we have nothing whatever to do with it--but to pass down to it a fair and good inheritance in today's work well done and today's life well lived.It is a blessed secret--this of living by the day.Anyone can carry his burden, however heavy--until nightfall. Anyone can do his work, however hard--for one day. Anyone can live sweetly, quietly, patiently, lovingly, and purely--until the sun goes down. This is all the life which we really ever have--just one little day. God gives us nights to shut down the curtain of darkness on our little days. We cannot see beyond--and we ought not to try to see beyond. Short horizons make life easier, and give us one of the blessed secrets of noble, happy, holy living.We ought not to be content to live otherwise--than beautifully. We can live our life only once. We cannot go over life again--to correct its mistakes or amend its faults. We ought therefore to live it well. And to do this, we must make every day beautiful, as it passes. Lost days must always remain blanks in the records; and stained days must carry their stains. Beautiful days make beautiful years, and beautiful years make a beautiful life!

"As your days--so shall your strength be." Deuteronomy 33:25

What makes a church?

2008-08-20T12:45:00.004-05:00

I began to listen to my brother's pastor online a few months ago. Josh goes to Grace Community Church in San Antonio (link to the right.) Pastor Tim preaches themes similar to what you hear from John Piper or Paul Washer. The Lord had been speaking to Jeremy and I a lot over the past year about what we believed and why. He has led us to fully embrace a more reformed theology, or Calvinistic view. There are quite a few significant differences in that type of doctrine vs. the Southern Baptist we were accustomed to. When we tried to find something like that here in Corpus, we found nothing. I asked Josh to ask his pastor if he knew of any churches like that here that he could recommend to us. He didn't. But the funny thing was, Corpus had been on his mind for some time. There are 6 men at Grace Community that can preach. Pastor Tim began to feel that maybe they had too many in one location. Why were those other men sitting there being preached to when they could be OUT preaching to others who needed it. Tim had been praying that the Lord tell him if, where and when they should try and plant a new church. He looked at different locations within a 3 hour drive of San Antonio, but Corpus was always at the top of his list. He felt such a burden for this city, this area. When Josh came asking him about a church in Corpus, it was more confirmation from the Lord that this may be the place.

Pastor Tim and his family, along with another pastor and his family, drove down to Corpus early last month to meet with us. We discussed our conversions, our beliefs, and our hopes for this community. After much prayer and guidance from the Lord, we all felt the Lord was telling us to start a new church in Corpus. August 10 was our first service. Over 20 people from the church in San Antonio drove down to help us kick off our first gathering. It was wonderful. Oh, where do we meet? In our house! I know, sounds crazy, but Jesus never said a church had to be in a beautiful building that cost millions of dollars. In fact, the only place to meet in the days of the early church was in the home of a believer, or outside. Jesus said where 2 or more are gathered in His name, there He will be also. Well, our little Malek family makes up 6! Anything added is an abundance and blessing. So, Tim preached in San Antonio, then drove down and preached here. Last Sunday he couldn't make it, so he sent someone else down to preach. Only 3 drove down this time, but I am amazed at how few people are needed to feel the presence of the Lord. My sister and her husband were here, and we're confident that the Lord will bring others as He sees fit.

We don't have an official name yet, or really an official time. As of now we meet on Sundays at 3:00 pm, but that may change. And of course, we won't always meet in our home. When the Lord grows His church, He'll show us where to move. But what a blessing to have true believers gathering under our little roof, worshiping and learning from the Word. We have some great plans for reaching out to those hurting in this city. There are so many here who are lost and trapped in the bondage of their sin. Jesus didn't just tell us to send money to the hurting. He commands us to get our hands dirty, to get involved with those who are perishing. He commands us to live out our faith through love; real, tangible, visible expressions of love. Part of me is a little nervous about that because I've really never done that. I'll donate clothes to a shelter, maybe give some cans to the food bank, give some old toys to needy children. But I've never attached myself to the people. And these are people, not just causes, organizations or tax right-off's, but living, breathing people. I pray that the Lord will give our family the boldness and courage to do whatever radical and crazy things He calls us to do. I'm excited to see how He'll use this church to glorify His name and expand His kingdom. We'll do whatever we can, with His strength and wisdom, to help snatch His sheep from the flames. We are but vessels for His use and His will. We appreciate your continued prayers...

Miscellaneous rambling

2008-08-15T13:52:00.005-05:00

My friend Shannon lent me her bumbo (the blue thing below.) I couldn't believe Nathan is strong enough to sit up in the thing unassisted! Doesn't he look huge?

This morning we walked at a park with ducks. The kids loved feeding them chunks of bread.

Nathan got to spend a little time next to his buddy, Benjamin.

I also learned a really great trick in Photoshop. I always knew the LONG way of leaving a little bit of color in a black and white photo. But I saw this tip that takes seconds, and is soooo easy to correct if you mess up. So, I played a bit. You may have to click the photo to see the larger version if you can't see where the color is.

My morning view

2008-08-09T14:24:00.003-05:00

Sweet little Nathan is getting bigger everyday. I've been so blessed to have babies that are such morning people. As soon as those eyes are open and they make contact with mine, the smiles abound. Here's what I get to see every morning.

And here are few random pics of the other babies. I can't believe how fast they really do grow.

A prayer for me

2008-08-01T13:16:00.005-05:00

I sometimes look at these 4 sets of beautiful, big, brown eyes, and wonder why in the world God would entrust their care to me. I am so faulty in so many ways, and if I were left to myself, would be the absolute worst mother on the planet. The Lord knows my heart, and He knows that to be true. Thankfully, oh so thankfully, He has not left me to myself. He has called me out of the darkness that drowned my existence for so many years, and He has promised to raise my children through me.

My wonderful, loving brother, sent me a little article from John Piper. This is a prayer he said for parents, and I ask that you pray this for me whenever it comes to your mind. Thank you!

"Father in heaven, I'm still a parent and always will be a parent, and I feel a camaraderie with the parents who are out there. I've felt so inadequate. I've had to walk in with tears in my eyes to my fifteen-year-old son and apologize for some awful thing that I said. I've had to ask Talitha for forgiveness even at eight years old because I raised my voice in a way that was totally out of proportion to what she had done, and she broke out into tears.

So Lord I know what it is to need forgiveness. And I pray first of all for forgiveness for parents, where we've failed. Then that we would have the humility to both go to you with our confession and go to our children, whether teenagers or little ones, and say, "Mommy and daddy are not perfect. We have failed. We're sorry. Would you forgive us?" So Lord, forgive parents for their failures.

Then Lord I pray that you would give great grace and wisdom. Grant to every parent longsuffering patience with their children. And give them wisdom, biblical insight, love, and firmness. My father used to always say to my mother, "Be firm and sweet, be firm and sweet." May that right combination of firmness and sweetness grip the parents and enable them, Lord.
And I pray that parents would have the discipline to turn off the television, get up, and go meet the child's needs. Lord help us to do the necessary disciplining of our children by having the necessary discipline for ourselves to bless them and to discipline them.

Lord, give help. We're a needy group, we parents, and we ask for forgiveness for our failures, help for our needs, and that our children would come to know you, love you, and lead productive lives that exalt Jesus Christ.

In his name I pray, Amen. "

For Josh

2008-07-29T19:17:00.009-05:00

My brother is one of the few people who will view the following video, and think it's one of the most fascinating things he's ever seen. Not much is going on in it, but for a dear uncle who is so very far away, I'm sure it's enough to miss.

He's in his crib watching a little musical aquarium thing.

And some random pics of the babies. They're all getting so big.

The ministry of pain

2008-07-28T08:03:00.002-05:00

From JR Miller:

There is a Christian art of enduring pain, which we should seek to learn. The real goal is not just to endure the suffering which falls into our life; to bear it bravely, without wincing; to pass through it patiently, even rejoicingly. Pain has a higher mission to us, than to teach us heroism. We should endure it in such a way as to get something of spiritual blessing out of it.Pain brings to us some message from God, which we should not fail to hear. It lifts for us the veil which hides God's face, and we should get some new glimpses of His beauty, every time we are called to suffer. Pain is furnace-fire, and we should always come out of this furnace, with the gold of our graces gleaming a little more brightly. Every experience of suffering ought in some way--to lift us nearer God, to make us more gentle and loving, and to leave the image of Christ shining a little clearer in our lives.

When you grow up

2008-07-23T11:57:00.005-05:00

My lil' bro

2008-07-19T19:43:00.005-05:00

Josh posted some pics of his latest beach trip on his blog. A few of them stood out to me. And cut me some slack. I had screaming babies in the background, and was pressed for time~

Scaring the seagulls

2008-07-19T17:32:00.009-05:00

We took a morning trip out to Rockport today to get some sand and sunshine. We'd never been to this particular beach, and were really impressed with the cleanliness of it. We'll definitely be visiting more often. The kids had so much fun. They might have enjoyed feeding the seagulls most of all. Noah liked scaring them. He's such a boy sometimes.

I love baby feet.

These little pavilions were nice because you had a shaded table, bbq pit, and large trash can all to yourself.

See Noah pointing at that man? As he was pointing he YELLED, "mom, that guy said hi to me." At that point, the man turned to me and waved.

I love pics with all 4 babies in the shot. It still blows my mind that all 4 of them came from the same womb.

And lil' nate-nate is big enough to sit up in this little bouncer thing. He's around 15 pounds now, and almost 3 months old. It's sad.

Sensitivity towards holiness

2008-07-17T14:20:00.003-05:00

If you are a believer, and claim to love Jesus, please take 35 minutes and listen to this sermon.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

It'll take a minute or so for it to open for you, so please be patient. It's by Matt Carter from Austin Stone Community Church in Austin, TX. He discusses 1 Corinthians 5:7-8. I love, love, love it and hope that it blesses you the way that it has blessed me.

I'd love to hear comments on it, so please post some after you've heard it.

It's out of the box

2008-07-15T14:43:00.007-05:00

I've had a sewing machine in a box since early 2008. My lovely mother purchased it in good faith, believing I'd take up the art of sewing and follow in her footsteps. "I'll learn before the baby comes," was my attitude prior to actually possessing it. That didn't happen. Instead, it found a very comfortable spot in the back of my closet. There it sat, alone and unopened. I've been getting a bit of an itch to open it, so yesterday was the day. I found a nice spot for it, and got all of my supplies from various nooks and crannies consolidated into one area. That's all I accomplished yesterday. Today after lunch, I went back in there. I found a great book for beginners, and decided to at least get the machine running. Learned how to thread it, and wind a bobbin. I must have threaded the bobbin portion incorrectly, because when I went to practice for the first time, I made quite a tangled mess. Feeling a little defeated, I went back to the manual and slowly went over each instruction again. Turned out I had the bobbin upside down in there. Fixed it all up, started again, and it worked! Played with different stitches and lengths. I then felt brave enough to tackle the first project in my beginners book--an envelope pillow case. It's like a pillow sham where you slip the pillow in through the back side. Now, had I actually owned a pair of scissors that were even remotely sharp, this would've been much easier. Never the less, I continued on. When it was time to line up the pieces, I realized that the notches I'd "cut" didn't even go through since my scissors were so dull. Well, I winged it. Pillows are forgiving. Below, my very first masterpiece.

Here's the front.

And the back.

And my model, enjoying the comfort of my creation.

Ella loved watching me, and is now play sewing with scraps I gave her. She's using tape to "sew" her pieces together. Too cute. This pillow case was incredibly easy to make. I'm excited, because now I can make cases for all the pillow forms I have stuffed in my closet. My mind has already started thinking of all the wonderful things I can create. I do believe this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship; me and my machine. I feel like I must name her. Suggestions??

Blue satin sashes

2008-07-14T07:41:00.002-05:00

Habitually calm

2008-07-10T13:18:00.004-05:00

"The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers." 1 Peter 4:7

Sober-minded means having a disposition habitually sober, calm and temperate. Your emotions are kept in line. When the Lord gives you a commandment, that means it is something which is attainable through His power; not your own, but His. This passage means that I am not allowed to have a breaking point. I cannot "lose it." It may be acceptable and normal to the world, but it greatly displeases my Lord. If I let myself get to that point, I am sinning. This is something that will hinder my prayers, make me silent before Him. "For the sake of your prayers" control your behavior.

There are two types of repentance, legal and evangelical. Both carry with it pain, regret and sorrow over personal past conduct. Legal repentance mainly carries a fear of punishment, and produces no amendment of life. Evangelical repentance grieves the fact that God was dishonored, His laws were violated, and ingratitude was shown to a Being of infinite benevolence. This repentance is always accompanied by amendment of life.

I finally understand why so many Christians who claim to repent, never show any legitimate signs of turning from their sin. It's because they've only legally repented. They have no desire to change anything about their lives, and in turn, will commit the same offense at a later date. I want absolutely nothing to do with such hollow regret. My prayer, is that the Lord give me a heart that is only committed to 100% evangelical repentance.

It would be a miracle for me to possess a cool, calm and controlled disposition during all circumstances. Thankfully, He's in the business of orchestrating miraculous miracles.

Shorter locks

2008-07-10T09:34:00.003-05:00

I cut Ella's hair yesterday. She'd been asking me for weeks, but I wanted to make sure it was something she really wanted to do. It's so much cooler now, and she keeps telling me how much she loves it. It certainly makes her look younger, and that is good news to me.

In other news, we'll have a church home again in about a month (August 10). God is doing some exciting and amazing things in our lives, and asking us to step out into some uncharted territory. That brings both feelings of nervousness and exhilaration. He never requests something of us that He won't equip us to deliver. His Word promises that, and in that truth I lay any and all of my fears.

All is right with my world

2008-07-07T07:55:00.005-05:00

I noticed something the other day. It was one of those chaotic moments: Hannah was screaming because someone had what she wanted, Ella was crying because she needed to stop playing princess and start cleaning, and Noah was wailing as the fear of a spanking was just too much for him to bear. It was loud. I was holding Nathan and looked down at him to see what his reaction was to the deafening madness. I was certain he must have been a little frightened. He had no idea what was going on, so I could see how he might be afraid that the same sorrows he heard might fall upon him. But his eyes were locked on mine, and he smiled. He even started to coo a bit. He was oblivious to the chaos surrounding him at that moment. Then I realized that's how our Lord wants us to be. He wants us to keep our eyes so focused on Him, that regardless of what surrounds us, we can rest in the truth. Nathan knew that as long as his momma was in view, all was right with his world. As long as we have Jesus in our sights, we should be able to say the same.

Here are some pics from our 4th of July. The kids had fun at the beach and LOVED the fireworks. It was a great afternoon.

I love this man so much. I am so thankful that the Lord called me to be his wife and the mother of his precious babies. What an incredible, wonderful honor.

Ballet, babies & boo-boos

2008-07-03T10:46:00.006-05:00

Yesterday I took the kids to the Harbor Playhouse for the Angelina Ballerina Dance Party. The kids has a great time making crowns, learning some ballet steps and getting to watch a video of Angelina. Little Hannah even made the paper. Click here. Isn't she sweet?

I think this is one of the only pics of me and all 4 babies. It was a bit surreal to see that. How these beautiful beings came from me just blows my mind. Only the God of the universe can do something like that. He knows how much I DON'T deserve to be a mommy, let alone their mommy. I'm so thankful.

Ella LOVED the fact that Nathan was wearing her princess crown. I love how big her smile is. She's crazy about that little one.

Noah has started telling me "that's for girls" for a lot of things lately. He didn't want this princess book for that very reason, so we gave it to a friend of ours this morning.

The kids wanted to make silly faces. The one with Noah sticking out his tongue is for my brother. Noah saw that pic and said "ha! send that to Joshie!"

Hannah was having a crazy hair day.

Here's daddy and Nathan both wearing their crowns. Aren't they handsome? I'm a blessed, blessed lady.

This morning on our walk, Ella ran a little too fast and fell. She really scraped up her nose, but was still able to play for about an hour afterwards.

Have a safe and wonderful 4th of July! If the rain stays away, we'll do the beach and fireworks. I'll certainly put pics up next week.

My three men

2008-07-01T17:21:00.005-05:00

Noah turned 4 on Sunday. I can't even believe he's that old already. Makes me mildly sad. Daddy shaved his beard and his crazy mane over the weekend, so he looks more like Nathan now. Nathan was weighed and measured today. At 2 months, he weighs 13 pounds, 1 ounce. He is officially the largest of all 4 babies at the 2 month mark! What a blessing. Many of you know that I had issues nursing Noah, and that he was so skinny by month 2. I had no issues with the girls, so I was really praying it wasn't a boy vs. girl thing. But thankfully, Nathan eats constantly and his weight proves he's getting plenty. I'm still amazed at how the Lord created a momma's milk supply to sustain a human life. Incredible. And little Nate-Nate can eat every 10 minutes for all I care. I may nurse him until he's 10 like a dear friend of mine is going to do. I just love, love, love nursing. I sometimes feel sad that Jeremy can't know this kind of bond with the babies. The suffering of labor is so worth this. I'd endure pain 100 times worse if I had to. What a joy.....

The girls have been their sweet selves too. I'm so glad each has a sister. I'm so crazy about mine, I can't imagine life without her.

All those lashes

2008-06-28T10:59:00.002-05:00

Nathan's first date

2008-06-27T09:40:00.007-05:00

The homeschool group I'm a part of does a "ladies night out" once a month. It's just dinner and chatting, nothing you might associate with a "ladies night" like booze, bars and searching for babes. Although I did have the privilege of taking quite a babe with me. When I told the kids Nathan and I were going on a date, Ella laughed and said he looked like a "mee-nee husband." Too funny. But I do love seeing little baby boys with button up shirts and cargo shorts. Here are some pics of me and my little man before our night out. It's really crazy how much I love this one. I remember when I was pregnant with Noah, I was afraid that I'd never be able to love him as much as Ella. But he was born, and it just happened. Same thing when I was pregnant with Hannah. How could I love her as much as I loved the other two? But when I was pregnant with Nathan, I already knew that loving him would be absolutely no problem. I think because he's the only one of the four that I had with NO epidural, we share a different bond. I really had to work hard for him, and there was a different experience of pain I associate with him. That has, in some weird way, made him all that much sweeter and precious to me. My heart just overflows.

80 nails

2008-06-26T11:14:00.009-05:00

My friend Shannon gave us a big box full of dress up stuff this morning. The kids have had fun trying on the outfits in varying combinations. Can you guess which feet belong to which child? At least one should be an easy guess. It occurred to me the other day that I am in charge of clipping 40 toe-nails and 40 finger-nails other than my own. That's 80 additional nails that depend on ME for their tender care.

Then, after they'd been sharing nicely, attitude did eventually abound when one person had what another one wanted. Hence, the look on Ella's face.

Hannah was still willing to give me a smile when asked, even though she was currently in a battle over who would use a tiny cup and spoon.

In other fascinating news, I've discontinued using our clothes dryer in an attempt to save any amount of electricity where I can. I did that a year ago, but then went back to using it after a lot of rain. I honestly forgot how lovely the process is of hanging clothes on a line. I really can't explain the simplicity of how wonderful it is. I can't rush hanging the clothes. I have to slowly take each item, shake it out, then smooth it across the line while pinning it. There's not really a fast way to do it. And although the kids may be screaming on the other side of that patio door, I can't hear them. All I hear is the breeze blowing through the trees and the wind causing my chimes to dance. It is my little, ultra-mini vacation during the day. Then I get to do it all over again in the afternoon when they're dry. It's great, because I actually fold each item before I put it back into the basket. So, not only are my clothes ready to be put away when I walk back through that door, but I'm able to prolong my silence for a few minutes more. I'm very thankful that the Lord prompted me to do this. He knew how badly I needed a few, quiet moments during the day, and He found a practical way to give them to me. I'm always amazed at how He lovingly tends to my soul. I am so thankful that He is here with me and these 4 babies. "He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young." Isaiah 40:11

My wind chime

Ah, the right to sue

2008-06-24T15:53:00.002-05:00

I read an article yesterday about a 12 year old girl who sued her dad because he grounded her from a school trip. She actually won the case and was allowed, against the wishes of her father, to attend the trip. It's amazing how anyone can sue for anything and will most likely win. I read this comic today and it just confirmed my thoughts. Click on it for the larger view.

2 months

2008-06-23T15:34:00.004-05:00

I can't believe Nathan is already 2 months old. It feels like time just won't slow down for me, won't even take a pause. He is growing more and more independent each day and moving closer to not needing me nearly as much. I savor these moments with him more than I did with my older 3. I think it's because this time around I am so much closer to the Lord. I see His wonder in every tiny detail of Nathan's being. I see how big the other 3 have gotten and how quickly they're transforming before my eyes. This is the only time in my life that I get to be their mother while they are still so small and so available to me. Lord-willing, there will be a day when they must tend to their own families and pursuits and the present will be but a memory to them. But today, this moment, they are all mine and they enjoy nothing more than just being in this family. Thank you Lord for this day, for this moment, however fleeting it may be.

My baby brother

2008-06-21T07:00:00.001-05:00

Happy Birthday to my sweet, baby brother, Joshua. He means so much to me and to this family. The Lord has really used him to help open my eyes to His truths. He's a brother who is always there to listen, and never passes judgment. However, if he sees that I'm wrong and sinning in some way he'll tell me, and I appreciate that. It's hard to find people who don't mind stepping on your toes, even if it's for your own good. Since he's been in Brazil, we haven't had our daily God talks and I miss those. I hope he has an incredible 26th birthday today. Please pray that the Lord continue to use him as much as possible while he's in Brazil. He is working with an amazing ministry down there that touches many lives and helps spread the truth of the gospel.

We miss you Josh, and love you very much. Happy Birthday!!

Puddle jumpers

2008-06-20T10:44:00.004-05:00

A friend of mine gave me the idea a few weeks ago to let the babies play on a wet painters tarp. So with the 90 degree temps yesterday, I took out the 10' x 20' tarp I purchased for $2, and placed it under our shade tree. Our grass is a bit tall right now, so it was a very soft landing pad for slipping and sliding. Once I turned on the hose, it was amazing to see all the little puddles and pools that were created. Some ended up being quite deep, and were great to splash in. The kids had a blast, and cleanup was a cinch. It was a very inexpensive way for them to stay cool and have some wet, summer fun. In the video, you'll see that they can even fight over the rights to a man-made water puddle.

The bird was laughing at me

2008-06-17T13:47:00.006-05:00

Sunday morning, while we were still at the lake, the kids were building castles and birthday cakes out of dirt. Jeremy and I were just relaxing and enjoying the beautiful view. We were all pretty silent. Then, out of nowhere, Noah says to me, "Mom, the bird is laughing at you." When I inquired as to why a bird would be laughing at me, he said, "I don't know. Maybe you did something really funny." Honestly, I was a little disturbed at the thought of some random bird giggling away at my expense. Noah never even skipped a beat during his insightful observation. Made me wonder if maybe he knew a little something that I didn't about those birds.....

And I read this today from JR Miller, the year 1882. I absolutely love it and so desire for it to be the definition of this home. Don't let the world deceive you. This is a tangible aspiration. "An ideal Christian home ought to be a place where love rules. It ought to be beautiful, bright, joyous, full of tenderness and affection, a place in which all are growing happier and holier each day. There should never be any discord, any wrangling, any angry words or bitter feelings. The home-life should be a harmonious song without one marring note, day after day. The home, no matter how humble it is, how plain, how small--should be the dearest spot on the earth to each member of the family. It should be made so happy a place, and so full of life, that no matter where one may wander in after years, in any of the ends of the earth--his home should still hold its invisible cords of influence about him, and should ever draw resistless upon his heart. It ought to be the one spot in all the earth, to which he would turn first, when in trouble or in danger. It should be his refuge, in every trial and grief." Praying that the Lord give me the ability to create such a home for my sweet babies and husband.

Our first family lake outing

2008-06-16T10:16:00.005-05:00

I had the grand idea of taking the family camping for Father's Day weekend. I thought Jeremy would enjoy being outdoors and spending time with the kids. Shammah and Jose came out for the day, and Jeremy's mom even joined us. The babies loved having their aunt, uncle and grandma there with them. They had so much fun. It was hot, it was messy and everyone got pretty sweaty and gross, but it was worth it. Some things didn't go quite as planned, but isn't that the great part about family vacations? The kids loved it, I loved it, and I hope we'll get to do more of this. If not, at least I took tons of photos to help me remember. Some of my favorites are below. Have a great week!

Regeneration

2008-06-11T14:11:00.007-05:00

When I heard a year ago that I might not actually be saved, it troubled me. I mean, I said the "sinners prayer" when I was a child, then repeated it a few more times through the years. I thought once you uttered the words "come into my heart," it was a done deal, and you were secured a spot in heaven. The Lord prompted me to finally begin to study the Bible on my own, to actually check out what I've heard preached over the years. I was amazed to see that the "sinners prayer" wasn't even in the Bible. Jesus never told anyone, "repeat after me, Jesus, I realize I am a sinner....." But Jesus did give plenty of examples of how one truly is saved, and how you can tell for sure. The Bible is clear that one can't live like he's lost, yet truly be saved. Christians do sin, and can fall into hideous sin; but not for long. God will discipline them and bring them back to the narrow path. It's the promise He makes to those who are His. This has been my issue with modern American Christianity. Churches are too concerned with filling seats and getting empty professions of faith. They tally up the number they've "saved" each month, not really caring if there's any proof at all of genuine conversion.

This is why one of my favorite pastors is Paul Washer. He is the founder of the HeartCry Missionary Society, and one of the few pastors that preaches exactly what the Word says, regardless of how it offends. If you want to hear a really great sermon on the power of regeneration, click here. You won't be disappointed. And below, is sweet Hannah. When she walked in and I asked what was on her face, she said "we're putting on makeup, mama." Turns out to be a piece of yellow chalk that Ella has so wonderfully crushed into a trillion pieces.

Nothing but the blood

2008-06-08T09:36:00.006-05:00

We've decided to teach the children hymns. A lot of people today don't enjoy hymns anymore. I'll admit, I was one of those until about a year ago. I think it was after I heard the story behind the hymn, It is Well With My Soul, that I began to see hymns in a completely different light. Most of those old songs were written during intense sufferings or struggles, during times of great distress and limited religious freedom. The authors were often times pouring out their souls when writing those words. I'm sad that most of today's churches either don't sing hymns at all, or sing them in such a melancholy, bland way. I hope to change things within our family. Our babies will grow to love and cherish the old hymns and the truths behind them. So, this morning, part of our family worship time involved the a cappella singing of Nothing But the Blood. Jeremy actually received a hymnal from a customer's house a couple of weeks ago. It was a very random thing to find in the garage of someone's house, but he was giving it away and Jeremy gladly accepted it. Little did he know that I wanted to start teaching hymns to the babies. So, there was nothing random about Jeremy finding a free hymnal the same day I was hoping we could have one.

I often times sing in front of the babies, so this wasn't new to me. But Jeremy isn't really the sing-in-front-of-others type, so he wasn't too sure about how this would play out. He was amazing. He and I sang alone together as the little ones watched and smiled. After a few lines, Ella was able to pick up a few of the repeating lines and join along. She really did quite well for hearing the song for the first time. I'm sure she'll have the whole thing memorized within a week. She's even singing it right now as I type this. What is it about hearing little voices singing praises to the Lord? Too, too sweet. And it meant so much to me that Jeremy was on board with this idea. He could've easily said it was a silly idea, he wasn't interested, or that I'd have to sing alone. But he didn't. He nervously took my hand as we read the words and sang together. I so prefer acts of love such as that, than anything else like roses or chocolates. Amazing how I can love this man more today than I did yesterday. God is too good to me.

Pics below are from our pool time yesterday. You'll see me dipping little Nathan's feet in the pool and sitting him on the edge. He wasn't amused. Not upset, but not thrilled. He actually looked like he was saying, "so, THIS is what you kids get soooo excited about? Goodness, why??" But isn't he starting to look more like an individual little man, and less like a generic baby? And, you know me and my "traditions." New one: after pool time EVERY Saturday, the babies will get a popsicle. They never get popsicles, so that was a HUGE treat for them. Plus, they got all sticky and gross in the water and not in the house. The video at the bottom shows what Hannah chose to do with her popsicle stick. That stick was also a sword, spoon to stir soup, mini skateboard and paintbrush. Don't you love the imagination of little ones?

She was painting her nails pink.

The donkey is gone

2008-06-05T18:44:00.005-05:00

I finally got Nathan to smile on video for those of you who haven't had the chance to see him do it in person. And the other video is just random. That's mainly for you, Josh. Miss you.

The beauty of gut wrenching conviction

2008-06-04T10:02:00.007-05:00

I hate the fact that I sometimes feel like I know best. I always seem to have an answer for what someone should have said, what someone should have done. I seem to believe that if I were to be in that exact situation, I'd know precisely how to respond, and it would of course be the most godly response humanly possible. Such was the case with a friend of mine. I'd listen to her description of events and how she responded. I'd nod my head and appear to agree with her, all the while judging her every move in my head. "How could she do that? How could she say that? How could she respond like that? Doesn't she know that's NOT how a Christian woman responds to a trial?" I know, they're not pretty thoughts, but they are thoughts that flooded my brain when chatting with my friend. Recently, I got a new glimpse of her situation, a different angle of her pain. Then, it was if the Lord placed me directly in her shoes, and I almost couldn't breathe. It was like He gave me a personal glimpse of the pain she was feeling, the depth of the agony that remains in her heart, and I felt completely and utterly disgusted with myself. I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. There's no way I'd be half as strong as she's been through this, and I was the one judging her? Who was I kidding? Suddenly, wave upon wave of compassion hit me. Why didn't I feel that right away? Why did it take so long for me to see she was hurting? I'm not sure, except that it did show me how plagued my heart still is, and how desperately I do need the Lord. But as ugly as I felt about myself, there was also a beautiful sense of love. The Lord only disciplines His children in that way. The world never convicts, it makes excuses. The world feels no guilt or shame, especially if the one offended doesn't even know about it! The world would confirm my judgmental thoughts and inflate my pride. But the Lord? He does quite the opposite. He will tear my heart to shreds if that's what He needs to do to transform me. He hates when I'm prideful and cold, and He will certainly make sure that I'm aware of that. It's a sign that I'm His and evidence that He is there working within. So, as painful as these realizations can be for me, I desperately desire more and more of His reproof. The more He reveals, the more that can be abolished from my sinful heart.

(And for those of you thinking, is she talking about me? Probably not. Unfortunately, I know a lot of people going through horrific trials right now.)

On a lighter note, pics below are from yesterday. Jeremy is officially growing out the beard again and the hair this time. How long? He says shoulder length at least, but we'll see. My friend Shannon gave us some cute hair stuff, so the girls are very excited about their new colorful bows and "penny tail" holders. Noah liked dressing up like a girl until I told him girls can't be gross or smelly. He loves being gross and smelly, so a boy he stays. And little Nathan continues to grow more alert each day. Eyes stay open longer, smiles are brighter, his noises more intentional. He's so very sweet, and I find myself missing him already. Pretty soon he won't be content to just rest in my arms all day. But for now he is, and I'm trying so hard to soak in every single second of him.

Inevitable Failure

2008-06-04T09:36:00.004-05:00

Even humans with the absolute best and most pure intentions will fail you. It's inevitable. Regardless of how sincere they may be, or how determined and committed they are this time around, failure is but a step away. Do I say this to be a discouragement? Quite the contrary. God is and will always be the only One to never let us down. I know that's why He lets humans fail so miserably in their grand pursuits; so that we're unable to fully rely on man alone. I came to this realization this morning, and it was pretty humorous to me. It was neat too, because then I checked my email and this was in my box, a quote from John Flavel (1627-1691) :

"Whatever we have over-loved, idolized, and leaned upon--God has from time to time broken it, and made us to see the vanity of it; so that we find the readiest course to be rid of our comforts --is to set our hearts inordinately upon them. "

He does this with not just with objects and items but with people as well. It's a refreshing reminder to trust in Him and Him alone for all of it.

We've got colds

2008-06-03T10:59:00.005-05:00

Don't you just love baby body parts? They're so sweet and soft and kissable. Nathan's feet are especially yummy. Here's some pics of the little man asleep. He's really starting to plump up and fill out. It's hard to believe he's really outgrown some outfits already, but it's true. He was 6 weeks yesterday, and it's all been such a blur. Needless to say, he doesn't get put down much. He's in my arms 99% of the day, and I love every second of it.

The rest of the pics are from our morning walk. The young girl holding Nathan is Tiffany. She's going to be a freshman next year. Such a sweet, sweet girl. Opposite of the typical teenager. The older boy is her brother Tyler. He's 11 and is part of the reason Noah is now obsessed with sticks and throwing rocks. The little guy is Benjamin and he just recently turned one. He is the sweetest, plumpest little guy and always smiling. These are some of the people we get to see each and every morning. This morning was tough since the entire household is battling a typical cold. How can we have colds when it's almost 100 degrees outside? Not fair at all. I pray that Nathan doesn't pick it up. So far, he's been able to block all the yucky bugs the older 3 have had. My days are now filled with wiping a constant stream of boogers from Hannah's nose....and cheeks....and forehead, etc. She loves to smear. Nothing too exciting going on today apart from that news. Just trying to get caught up on the typical things you can get behind on. Keep us in prayer as we STILL seem to be transitioning. Hoping for a "normal" routine very, very soon.

Pool Time

2008-05-31T19:58:00.006-05:00

The kids had a blast in our little jungle themed inflatable pool. I love that they enjoy simple things like that. They'd rather be outside getting tired and messy than doing anything boring indoors like watching tv or playing video games. I hope they remain that way. I think they can. I'm almost 29 and I'm like that, why can't they be too? Hannah was so sweet. She kept telling me that she loved me. I'd ask her why and she'd just say "because" and smile really big. I think it was her way of telling me she was having a lot of fun and appreciated what part I had in that. And she kept hugging the trees on that pool and saying "I love this." Too sweet. And you'll see them modeling their new jammies after baths. They're all so very proud of them. And for some reason, if you click on the pic to enlarge it, you might have to hit the back button and then try again. I'm getting an error the first time I click but not the second. Oh well.....

Adjusting to new life

2008-05-31T13:31:00.008-05:00

It's been almost 6 weeks since we brought our sweetest addition home. It hasn't been the easiest transition of the four, but I know the Lord has His reasons for allowing me to go through different seasons. This season has been tough. But I can tell you that I have honestly felt the power of people praying for me. It's this feeling of being lifted up, this feeling of renewed hope and life, and it's wonderful. The sky seems more blue, grass more green, breeze more refreshing. The laughter from my babies sounds more precious, hugs feel warmer, kisses sweeter. I can sense the darkness being pulled farther and farther away. It is a good feeling.

This morning I loaded up all 4 of my babies to head to Wal-Mart. Jeremy is working today, so this was my first solo trip with my newly enlarged crew. I had Nathan in his sling (life saver), Hannah and Noah in the cart, and Ella walked along side of me making sure to always have one hand holding onto my right pocket. We spent almost 2 hours there browsing the aisles. I know Wal-Mart isn't paradise, but it was great to feel confident getting out with all of them on my own. We picked up a little kiddie pool we're going to play with this afternoon, and some new PJ's for the kids. Ella is very thrilled about her new nightgown and undies. The only package I found in her size included 12 pairs! Who needs 12 pairs of undies?? Apparently, 5 year old girls do I guess.

And today I read this and loved it. If this is all we asked for, it's all we'd need to ask for. Enjoy your weekend!

Thomas Brooks, "A Cabinet of Choice Jewels" 1669
"Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin." Psalm 51:2

If the Lord would say to a gracious Christian: "Ask what
you will, O Christian--and it shall be granted to you."
The answer would be: "Lord, rid me of my sins! Lord, take
away my iniquities! Lord, mortify my corruptions! Lord,
whoever lives--let these lusts die! Lord, drown these
Egyptians in the red sea of your Son's blood, who have
so violently and unweariedly pursued after the blood of
my precious soul! Lord, kill and crucify all these sinful evils
which have killed and crucified the Lord of life and glory!
Lord, my carnal reason, and flesh and blood, would gladly
have such and such pleasurable sins, and such and such
profitable sins, indulged and spared. But, Lord, the earnest,
the ardent desires of my soul, are that I may be rid of them!"

And thus, every gracious soul is more willing to be rid of
his sins--than he is to keep his sins.

A sick man is not more willing to be rid of his disease,
nor a beggar of his nasty lousy rags, nor a prisoner
of his chains--than a gracious soul is willing to be rid
of his lusts!

"Hide Your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity." Psalm 51:9

His Dimples

2008-04-08T15:06:00.006-05:00

My sweet Noah. What a little man he's turning into. Normally, it's impossible to snap pics of him because he's running off or giving me some goofy expression. The other day, though, he was all smiles. That sweet little dimple on his right cheek just seemed to be deeper than I remember. Maybe he just hadn't smiled that big in a while. I've really tried to get them more outdoor playtime, and he just loves it. He'd play outside all day if I'd let him. And even though he's all boy and loves to play with sticks and rocks, he still has a heart for his sisters. If one is hurt or crying, he'll always run to their rescue with hugs and words of concern. He's also very quick to let them both know that they're "beautiful." When he tells Hannah, she'll come to me and say "awww, Noah say I look bootiful," with this adorable little grin. What a blessing these 3 are to me and those that know them. Yes, they have their moments when they bicker and selfish desires kick in. But their love for one another outweighs those moments of conflict. The Lord has given them sweet and sensitive hearts. I'm very excited to see how, God-willing, their relationships with one another deepen and grow. There's nothing quite like the love of a sibling. I'm very blessed to have 2 that are not only very dear to my heart, but are now very dear to my babies. And to think, any day now the Lord will be adding one more to the bunch. Isn't He incredible?

PS, when I first wrote this, I forgot to add that I do have my 2 blood siblings, but also my 3rd sibling given to me through my sister Shammah. Jose is very dear to our hearts as well, and I'm very thankful to have him in the lives of my babies. Sorry I didn't mention that the first time!

Impromptu Beach Visit

2008-03-25T08:18:00.006-05:00

The first pic is from a visit to our friends home last week. Little Noah was very excited about the goldfish he caught in the pond. It was huge--for a goldfish! The rest of the pics are from our spontaneous visit to Rockport with Aunt Shammah & Uncle Joe yesterday. We ate lunch at the Big Fisherman, then took a drive down to the beach. It was a bit chilly, but the kids had a blast playing in the sand for a couple of hours. Water was just beautiful and glistening, sand was clean, warm and soft under our feet. We found our new family beach spot, and hope to frequent it often this summer. On our way home we stopped for ice cream sundaes which were so creamy and good. Babies of course came home sticky and sandy, and I loved every minute of it. Thanks to Sham & Jose for taking a trip with us on what would've been an otherwise typical Monday.

And in my email, a writing from Thomas Brooks, 1660~
The whole of Scripture is but one entire loveletter, dispatched from the Lord Christ, to His beloved spouse! Oh, the mysteries, the excellencies, the glories which are in this incomparable book! There are none so useful, none so needful, none so delightful, none so necessary to make you happy and to keep you happy--as this! Ah, the Word of the Lord is . . . a light to guide you, a counselor to counsel you, a comforter to comfort you, a staff to support you, a sword to defend you, a physician to cure you! The Word is . . . a mine to enrich you, a robe to clothe you, a crown to crown you. bread to strengthen you, wine to cheer you, a honeycomb to feast you, music to delight you, a paradise to entertain you! Oh, therefore, before all and above all: search the Scripture, study the Scripture, meditate on the Scripture, delight in the Scripture, treasure up the Scripture! There is . . . no wisdom like Scripture wisdom, no knowledge like Scripture knowledge, no experience like Scripture experience, no comforts like Scripture comforts, no delights like Scripture delights, no convictions like Scripture convictions, no conversion like Scripture conversion! I exhort you to a speedy, serious, diligent, and constant study of the Scripture. Ah, you do not know how soon . . . your blind minds may be enlightened, your hard hearts may be softened, your proud spirits may be humbled, your sinful natures may be changed, your defiled consciences may be purged, your distempered affections may be regulated, and your poor souls may be saved . . . by searching into the Scriptures, by reading the Scripture, and by pondering upon the Scripture. Ah, if you do not in good earnest,give yourself up . . . to the reading, to the studying, to the pondering, to the believing, to the practicing, to the applying, and to the living up to the Scripture--Satan will be too hard for you, the world will be too hard for you, your lusts will be too hard for you, temptations will be too hard for you, deceivers will be too hard for you, and in the end you will be miserable!

My Teaching Philosophy

2008-03-11T09:25:00.008-05:00

Sometimes I'm asked what Ella is learning. Since most of the people asking are only familiar with government style education systems, they expect me to say something along the lines of what they'd hear if they ask a public school Kindergarten teacher. However, if I wanted to give her a carbon copy of what she'd get in public school, I'd save myself the trouble and just enroll her. So, for those of you who secretly, or not so secretly, wonder what in the world I'm doing over here, if I'm even qualified, and if Ella is being deprived, I direct you to this link: http://www.triviumpursuit.com/downloads/ten_to_do_before_ten.pdf
When I began to contemplate homeschooling, I began doing research to find out what method or system best fit the desires of our family. There are countless ways of doing this, countless methods and curriculum's, etc. I don't remember how I stumbled upon the book Teaching the Trivium, but the moment I opened it, it spoke directly to my heart. Everything it discussed seemed to resonate with me and everything seemed to just click. This was exactly what I was looking for, exactly how I felt the Lord was calling me to instruct the blessings He has loaned me. So, that link will give you the basic principles for what we're doing over here. It's just a small excerpt from the book I have.

And the pics below are from the other day when I had my latest OB appointment. My dad (Poompa to the babies) loves snapping photos of his children and grandchildren. Wonder where I got that desire from?? Enjoy!

What we do when we sin

2008-03-07T11:31:00.003-06:00

I love that I am blessed with the opportunity to instruct my children in every subject. And in this house, everything they will learn will revolve around the truth of the Bible and who Jesus is. All things are from Him, through Him and for Him, and that applies to anything related to school. We're still in Exodus and about to get to the 10 commandments. Sin is something we're starting to talk more about. Putting the seriousness of sin into words that can be understood by a 5 year old can be tricky. I do trust that the Lord will give me the exact words to say at the exact time when it comes to instructing my babies in His ways. I'm so thankful for that, because on my own I am totally clueless and have no idea what I'm doing or saying!

Lately, in my own study, I've been reading about those who claim to know God, yet live in constant sin as if they are still lost. There is no remorse, no conviction. They are content living exactly the way they are living, and will ask God every night to "forgive all my sins." Then they wake up and repeat. How can one live like that and say they are His? They can't. 1 John 2-3 is so black and white about this issue too. There are only two types of men: children of the Lord, and children of the devil, there is no in between. This morning I read this excerpt from pastor John Piper that so beautifully sums up what we do when we sin. It's a vivid description that I pray I won't soon forget.

Those who are born of God and love Jesus cannot walk up to Jesus as he hangs on the cross and say, "I know that you are suffering now for my sins and that it is your dying wish that I sin no more. But there's this one need that I have that I can only satisfy by sinning, so I hope you'll understand as I thrust this other sword into your side. There now. I sure am glad that every time I do that your blood forgives me." Those who have been born of God cannot think like that. So all I have to say to a person before he chooses to commit sin is, "Advance at your own peril. There may be no forgiveness, because you may be so decisively hardened by crucifying Christ afresh (Hebrews 6:6) that you will not be able to find genuine repentance anymore (Hebrews 12:16, 17)."

Today is his birthday....

2008-02-27T07:38:00.004-06:00

It's really hard for me to believe that here I am, celebrating the 31 years that my husband has been alive. I can hardly fathom that when we met, he had just barely turned 20 and I was a mere 17. Never in my wildest dreams did I look ahead 11 years and see the two of us as acquaintances, let alone husband and wife. I look into the sweet faces of our three children and am in constant amazement. So many things could have happened that would've erased their very existence. How much more proof that the Lord is alive and real than those 3 babies? I remember Jeremy's mom (Lynn) telling me about how her mom and dad had a rough time after getting married. They were contemplating divorce, but decided to give it just one year. They took a calendar and circled a year to the date. They said when they got to that day, if they were still miserable they would get divorced. A year went by and when the circled day appeared on the calendar, both weren't sure what it was for. Was it someones birthday, or a special celebration they needed to attend? Then one of them remembered their deal a year earlier, and both began to laugh, for they had grown that year and knew that divorce was no longer an option. Why do I tell that story? Because had they gotten divorced, Lynn wouldn't exist, and if Lynn doesn't exist, then neither does Jeremy, and neither do Ella, Noah, Hannah and this little sweet boy within my womb. Any children that our children God-willing have wouldn't exist either. Look at all the lives that were allowed to live because the Lord kept those two young kids together all those years ago.

That's what He also did with Jeremy and I. Many of you probably don't know that around the end of year one, we were going to get divorced. I'd already set up a date to move into a new apartment in our complex. They had it ready, and it was mine. We were going to share custody of the dogs, and try to forget that we ever made such an awful mistake by saying "I do." Now, neither one of us can tell you exactly what happened, but something much greater than us intervened and we both instantly knew that divorce was no longer an option. There was no great apology from one or the other, no great admission of wrong doing and a promise to improve. None of that. Just an overwhelming sense that we could not, under any circumstances split. It was out of our hands and we had absolutley no control over our destiny. At the time, part of me asked why, why must we be doomed to a marriage of misery? But the Lord is so awesome and so wonderful and I thank Him each day that He knew what was best for us and did not grant us our selfish desires. It has taken some time, and we have had our share of struggles. But I'm so very in love with this man who is not only my best friend on earth, but the father of my 4 beautiful blessings. I love nothing more than being his wife and serving him in all the ways that I'm called to. He is the partner that the Lord has designed especially for me; where I am weak, he is strong; where I am fearful, he is courageous; where I lack mercy, he has compassion. The intricate combination of our two personalities are woven to fit so precisely. Only the Lord of all can accomplish an impossibility as delicate as that one.

So, Happy Birthday to the one that was designed for me and me alone. Him, I do not deserve, and I am eternally grateful to the One who gave him to me.

Walking Bibles

2008-02-07T07:56:00.000-06:00

This is from the daily email I receive from Grace Gems. It's an excerpt from a writing by Thomas Watson (1620-1686). I love the simplicity, yet, solid truth of his words.

"Give me understanding, and I will keep Your law and obey it with all my heart." Psalm 119:34

Determine to PRACTICE whatever you read. Christians should be walking Bibles, living the truths written. The Word is not only a guide to knowledge, but a guide to obedience. A holy reading of God’s Word, results in our fleeing from sins, and practicing the duties commanded.

"I have kept my feet from every evil path so that I might obey Your word." Psalm 119:101

What a day for a picnic

2008-02-06T14:39:00.000-06:00

What a beautiful day for a picnic. Can't beat 60's with sun. The kids enjoyed eating lunch outdoors today, followed by some playtime and then naps. They all wanted to nap outside, but somehow I knew that sleep would be the last thing on their minds. Ah, the allure of swings, slides and dirt on a beautiful day. I'm loving this time.

Vexation vs. the Prudent

2008-01-31T09:30:00.000-06:00

I love learning new words, or rather, learning the precise definition of words. Some I've used often (incorrectly) and some I've never even heard. Today, my two new favorite words are vexation and prudent.

"The vexation of the fool is known at once, but the prudent ignores an insult." Proverbs 12:16

Chuck E Cheese & Fire

2008-01-29T14:08:00.000-06:00

"Is not my word like fire, declares the Lord, and like a hammer that breaks the rock in pieces?" Jeremiah 23:29

Fire has such awesome, incredible qualities. Nothing that has been touched by fire is ever the same again. It is all consuming and anything that comes in contact with it is visibly changed forever.

Saturday we were invited to a birthday party for a sweet little guy turning 1, Johnathan. Below are some pics of all the babies. They had a great time, and consumed way too much sugar! Always the sign of a great birthday party. We also went to the park later that day, and got to visit Uncle Joe (or apple joe according to Hannah) at work. The kids loved seeing the firetrucks and bright lights. Didn't get any pics though. Maybe next time.

Baby Names

2008-01-23T08:29:00.000-06:00

Well, some of you may know that we thought we'd decided on a name for this little guy--Judah. But lately, that just hasn't set well with me. I haven't felt like that's the one. Lots of names have been tossed around, but last night after 2 am (a popular time when the Lord speaks to me), a name popped in my head that stuck. Jeremy was pretty set on Judah, but when I told him this one, he said he liked it. This one seems right and this one just fits. So, we've officially chosen his name. What is it? Well, you know I won't just give it away that easily. So, if you want to know you'll have to do some research. He says the following to someone quite influential in Biblical history:

"The LORD also has put away your sin; you shall not die."

Middle name is still William after my dad. Any guesses?

I am weary with holding it in....

2008-01-22T10:53:00.000-06:00

If I say "I will not mention Him, or speak anymore in His name," there is in my heart as it were a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I am weary with holding it in, and I cannot. Jeremiah 20:9

I read that passage this morning and just fell in love with it. To be so consumed with someone that not speaking about Him feels as though your bones are on fire, is just so awesome to me. I've known many people who claim to love the Lord, yet have no problem never mentioning His name to anyone; myself included. But recently, as I've spent more time with Him, and gotten deeper into His word, I see how it's hard to NOT talk about Him all the time. Everything around me screams "I am the Lord, do you see me?" Simple pleasures, like sweet little Hannah smiling at me with a mouth full of cereal as she says "Mama, I lub eww" is a constant reminder of His presence. He is everywhere all the time, and I am just so overwhelmed with His never ending grace and mercy. I deserve hell, yet He gives me the chance at salvation! He doesn't give me what I truly deserve! But as if that weren't enough, He also gives me that which I don't deserve. He has poured out blessing upon blessing on my once pathetic shell of a life, and I will eternally be in awe of Him.

You know, I do enjoy homeschooling Ella. I enjoy teaching her all about life and about letters and words and how to read and write, etc. But what I love more than teaching her about "school" stuff, is when I get to teach her about our wonderful God. I am loving our Bible study times in the morning, and in teaching her I'm actually teaching myself. The same stories I've heard a thousand times are sticking in my brain in a much different way now that I am explaining those stories to someone else. Ella looks forward to her typical class stuff, but she always asks about the Bible study first. She can get tired of practicing her letters, but she never tells me she gets tired about talking about the Bible. I pray that the Lord continue to instruct me on how to instruct these sweet and precious babies he has entrusted me with.

How long will you love what is worthless?

2008-01-14T13:42:00.000-06:00

"How long will you love what is worthless?" Psalm 4:2

I get a daily email in my inbox from a great resource called Grace Gems. It's always filled with hard, Biblical truths not often heard this day and age. The one today referenced the above verse and it struck me. Just the other morning I read a passage about worthlessness that warranted me writing it down. I filled about a page and a half with my thoughts on it:
"I will walk with integrity of heart within my house; I will not set before my eyes anything that is worthless." Psalm 101:2b-3a

How many times have we all said or heard "life is too short for ____?" We say it's too short for fighting, too short for holding grudges, too short for not living our dreams, etc. You seldom hear others talk about how life is too short to waste time on worthless pursuits. Well, what is worthless? Is that a relative term that means different things to different people? I don't believe so. When you study God's word, you'll notice specific things mentioned that He abhors. Those things would fall under the worthless category. You'll also pick up on warnings about certain behaviors or attitudes, certain characteristics He is not pleased with. Drop those things into your worthless pile as well. Life is fleeting. Why waste any second of any day on anything that is worthless? If you ask God to reveal what worthless things you're involved in or pursuing, He will. Just be prepared to then ask yourself why you haven't entirely banished them from your presence.

I also read another small portion from my Grace Gems email that discusses how we study our Bibles. It was written in 1869. May it bless you as it did me. And pics below from the park on Saturday. Yes, there are some of old Jeremy and myself, but I know some of you miss seeing us as well as the babies.

Reader, heed a salutary admonition. Study the Bible, as holding treasure for your soul. Study in the earnestness of prayer. Study with eternity outspread before you. Study with the humility of a poor sinner before a speaking God. Study with faith devoutly grasping every word. Do not close the volume without inquiring . . . Is sin more hateful to me? Is the world more worthless in my estimation? Is the flesh more treacherous in my sight? Is Jesus brought nearer to my adoring soul? Is my heart won to more entire devotedness? Am I more resolute to live for Him, who died for me?

Okay, so it's been 3 months...

2008-01-08T16:13:00.000-06:00

Well, we had a wonderful November and December. Things always get a bit hectic, but we're slowly getting back into a "normal" routine. I do hope to write a bit more on this thing during 2008, and I hope to upload new pics weekly. Things should be slow enough for me to keep up with that task until the very end of April. Then we'll have a new little someone to add to the mix, and things will get a bit hectic again for a while. We spent a bit of time outside this afternoon. Can't beat low 80's in January! It's nice to not have to bundle the kids up before heading out. Noah also got a new haircut, and everyone was treated to a blue raspberry dum-dum afterwards. Hope all is well with everyone. Blessings~

WOW, it's been a month!

2007-10-19T08:59:00.000-05:00

Last week we took our first field trip with our homeschool group. It was out to a farm. The kids got to go on a fun hayride, and ride some horses. There was more to do, but it was just so hot that we had to leave early. I think we're going to be able to go back when it's cooler. Have a great day!

Soccer & Painting

2007-09-19T15:27:00.000-05:00

Soccer Schedule

2007-09-18T14:59:00.000-05:00

Well, Ella's first game is Saturday the 29th. Here's her schedule below. All games are at Labonte Park. They're Team England.

September 29 8:30 AM, England vs. Italy, Field #1
October 6 10:30 AM, England vs. France, Field #1
October 13 10:30 AM, England vs. Mexico, Field #1
October 20 10:30 AM, England vs. Holland, Field #1
October 27 9:30 AM, England vs. Brazil, Field #2
November 3 8:30 AM, England vs. Argentina, Field #1
November 10 8:30 AM, England vs. Portugal, Field #2

Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star....

2007-09-11T16:23:00.000-05:00

4 renditions of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. Enjoy!

Ella's Memorization

2007-09-06T15:28:00.000-05:00

Part of our curriculum is memorization, and we've decided to begin with scripture verses. At some point, she will learn states and presidents, but why not have her first memorization be from the Word of God? So, we're starting w/Psalm 23. We're taking a little each day, but by day 3, she's gotten a good portion down. Then you'll see what Noah has picked up by listening too. Sweet babies. After Psalm 23 will be the Lord's Prayer and then a big one--the Beatitudes. Enjoy!

What should a homeschool classroom look like?

2007-09-04T09:43:00.000-05:00

I read a great article this morning that discussed how homeschooling parents often feel discouraged that they can't provide the beautiful facilities that multi-million dollar public schools can offer. True, Ella does not have a separate art room, music room, auditorium, etc., from which to learn individual subjects. We don't have brand new desks or even a shiny new chalk board. But this article put into words what I think my heart already knew:

1. Facilities do not educate or teach.

2. For home schooling families, the world truly becomes your classroom. Field trips, travel opportunities, mission trips, and internships expand your child’s horizons far beyond the walls of the most beautifully appointed classroom.

3. Time with immediate and extended family abounds because your child is not confined to a school schedule or classroom, beautiful though it may be.

4. One-on-one education that focuses on the needs and gifts of each student empowers the child and encourages him to become a lifelong learner.

5. In the home school environment, dialogue and constant interactions are the norm—and number in the hundreds daily. In the traditional classroom environment, the child has personal interaction with the teacher on average about eight to ten times a day. Constant dialogue is crucial in developing critical thinking and leadership skills.

6. In the home school, education and “real” life intersect on a daily basis.

7. God is the Ultimate Superintendent of Education. He orchestrates opportunities for our children that we could never imagine. The presence of the living God transforms the most humble home into a holy place of powerful learning and growth.

Today is our first day, and it's going well. We're not on schedule like I planned, but I am tweaking that as we go along. Ella has already worked on memorization, we've had our first phonics lesson, and she just finished up her copywork. We're doing narration next, and then we'll break for lunch, play and naps. This afternoon is more narration, arts & crafts, and since the rain stopped, lots of outside play. I'll post her syllabus later this week for those of you that would like to stay up to date w/her schedule.

“By knowledge the rooms are filled with every precious and beautiful treasure.” Proverbs 24:4

No Dryer

2007-08-30T10:02:00.000-05:00

Last week, I decided to stop using our clothes dryer and start hanging our clothes out on a line. Not only will we save money on our electric bill, but the clothes get a fresh scent you can only get from the wind and the sunshine. But the funny thing is, I received a few extra perks that were quite unexpected. When I'm going through the process of taking out a shirt, shaking it flat and then smoothing it along the line as I pin it, I feel like I've stepped into a simpler time. You can't rush hanging your clothes. There's no fast way to do it, at least not for me. Even when the rain came pouring down, I could only grab the clothes so fast. I got soaked. It was great. And Ella thinks it's hilarious to see her undies blowing in the wind, hence, the picture below. So, my challenge: if you feel like life moves to fast, hang a few items of clothes outside. You'll be amazed at how much it slows down.

And the last pic, for those that never got the answer to the riddle, the biggest clue I can give.

A Riddle

2007-08-28T10:58:00.000-05:00

We decided to have a "Start of School" party for little Ella this weekend. Nothing big, just immediate family. In the invitation I sent, I added a riddle that I wanted people to figure out and bring their answers to the party. A few people won't be able to make it, but I still want them to have fun with the riddle. Here's what I typed on the invitation:

Here’s a pop-quiz. How much do you remember from kindergarten? Bring your answer to the party, and the winner gets a prize. We’ll be learning about the seasons this semester. There is something that occurs during the Summer, Fall & Winter but not during the Spring. It happens every year, but at one time did not. Can you guess what it is?

Not sure if anyone had any ideas, but here's a second clue: It has only happened during the Summer, Fall & Winter, but in 2008 it will also occur during the Spring.

Any guesses?

What if we had nothing?

2007-08-13T10:27:00.000-05:00

I read today one of the most profound statements I've ever heard. It's so profound to me, that I'm printing it out and taping it to my desk. It's a philosophy I pray the babies will embrace whole-heartedly. "Wouldn't it be great if we had absolutely nothing? Because just think, then we’d be so grateful for anything that we got after that!" My friend's 10 year old son told her that. How true of a statement. Why is it that we feel we're deserving of anything? Any comfort at all? There are so many people suffering in unimaginable ways on this planet. When you think you've gotten a raw deal, try to remember that even on the worst day of your life, you're still quite blessed.

Below are pics from the weekend. We went to pioneer day at the museum and you'll see the babies churning butter and branding some wood. Then we attended a wedding that evening and you'll see pics of the babies playing in the grass outside the church. It was a great weekend and quite full of activity. And after lots of church hopping, we've finally planted some roots and joined River Hills Baptist. Everyone was so welcoming and I'm very excited about getting to know our new church family better. Have a wonderful week!